Send Vice Chancellor David Bell to Space - Permanently
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As you know, strike action is planned for later this year by unionized academic staff at the University of Reading due to pension disputes. While we fully support the proposed action, we would like to note that assuming that there are 30 academic weeks per year, each working day is worth about £60 of our £9000 tuition fee. Given that there are ~17000 students at the University of Reading, this means that collectively we are losing £1,020,000 for each day of the strike.
The new SpaceX Falcon Heavy rocket is capable of launching 64,000 kg into low-Earth orbit at a price of $90,000,000 per launch - or roughly $1406.25 per kg. That's £1,008.42 per kg.
The average human male weighs approximately 83kg (although we do not know Sir David Bell's exact weight - given his density, it may be considerably more). This means that it would cost approximately £83,698.86 to send him into low-Earth orbit (approximately 230km above Earth, travelling at 17,500mph). As you can see from our calculations, this is completely possible.
I therefore propose that the funds lost from our strike day are partly diverted to fund this grand endeavour. If the university refuses to reimburse his £83,698.86 travel expenses, I propose that the student body covers the bill instead. In fact, if all 17,000 students put just £4.92 into a collective fund, this would be easily possible. With the money from a single strike day, however, it would be possible to send exactly 12.186 David Bells into space. I forsee that we could negotiate with SpaceX to reduce this number of David Bells in exchange for propelling him further from Earth.
Please tell all of your friends (especially in the science and engineering departments) about this exciting career opportunity - and good luck with exams!
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