Love Island: The Game Hack

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Creating Your Love Island Character
Naturally, a serious lack of self-respect is needed when designing a SIM-like character and flicking through humiliatingly awkward flirting scenes to the sound of the Love Island theme tune.

If that wasn’t enough, the Fusebox designers had overlooked the likelihood of a 26-year-old male downloading their game and had limited the storyline to a sole female character.

Sigh.

I gave the window aisle fella a ‘mind your own business’ glare, offered little indication that I was going to plug in my headphones, and confidently embarked on my simulated Love Island journey as a strong independent woman.

A woman with seriously limited hairstyle and body type options to choose from…

 
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
When it came to selecting my job and picking a position that would reflect my career aspirations as a woman in 2018, there were few roles that screamed ‘Rosa Parks’.

Considering one of these jobs is sarcastic, the future generation of teenage girls are basically f*cked.

Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Meeting New Friends
The Love Island game has you flicking through potential social scenarios, selecting varying responses in order to make new friends.

In a world of Tinder and conversing through Emojis, apparently, it is now acceptable to spend countless hours attempting to gain the approval of AI systems such as Allegra the 24-year-old cocktail entrepreneur.

Fantastic.

Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Having immediately complimented my outfit, Allegra seemed like a complete and utter b*tch, and I decided to spend the rest of my Island time making her life a living nightmare.

 
Of course, I kick-started this bitter modern warfare by saying “thanks”.

Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Picking My Man
It’s more than 55 minutes of Love Island simulation bashing before you actually meet the men.

I’m yelping “wowza-rooney” and grinning like a Cheshire cat by this stage, with the air hostess feeling the need to add a pitiful “having fun?” as she scoots past with the food cart.

You have no idea how much fun I’m having – check out these dreamboats!

Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Each male islander is more ripped and more tanned than the last, and they spend the rest of the game wearing nothing but the teeny-tiny shorts sewn to their thighs while taking up the same identical poses everytime they come over to make conversation.

This makes talking to Mason really awkward.

Like really awkward…

Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Key Themes: Cheating, Sex and Cheating
I quickly learned that there were three key themes to the game, all based around cheating and sex.

The other girls would open up about their relationship dramas, with the aim of the game to prove that you were listening and answering follow-up questions.

In terms of sensitivity, this game was spiralling out of control.

Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
A Game of ‘I Have Never’
Now drifting over some beautiful French airspace and having successfully driven the rest of row 9DEF crazy, it was evident that three hours of solid gameplay would get you nowhere on the Love Island app.

Fortunately, though, it did get me into a game of ‘I Have Never’.

Question one: I have never had a threesome.
Okay.

No beating around the bush, then.

Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Attempting to push the boundaries of the game and enjoying my time as a bit of a mega player, I stood up for every possible question.

The result was hilarious, although it brought the type of dialogue that I hope no teenage user unintentionally stumbles across, thinking the Love Island game is about finding true love.

Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Now preconceived as some sort of uber-cool ‘player’, everybody in the villa wanted to be my best pal – for some reason.

The game even leads to a bizarre story from Jasper (who I fancied the most and was desperate to recouple with by the way), as he rambled on about some sort of group sex party while he was at Uni.

Oh, how my heart longs for you and your smooth jazz, Jasp.

Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
Screen Shot: Love Island game – Fusebox Games
3 Hours of Ridiculousness
I didn’t know what to expect before downloading the Love Island game, however, pretending to be a female social media influencer who enjoyed bragging about her six-some was not what I had originally envisioned.

If obsessively watching Love Island for one hour per day just isn’t enough, download the Love Island game and enjoy endless amounts of ridiculousness, all for the price of an eternity of time.

That and selling your soul to the devil!

 

CATCH UP with all of our Love Island news and gossip here.



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