Help Make Jeremy the Executive Director of the UVSS
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Let me make this abundantly clear, I don't want to be the Executive Director of the University of Victoria Students' Society. Like 'The Batman', I'm not the hero you deserve, but the one you need right now. When is the last time you paid for a drink at Felicitas? The last time you went there? Fuck that, free drinks for you. Do you like Starbucks? Hell yes you do. I'll sell half the SUB building to Starbucks RESERVE*. I can make empty promises all day because this is the TRUMP ERA®️ baby and yes I was lying before I actually do need this job I need this job quite badly because I graduated from UVic with a not-engineering degree so obviously the only thing I'm qualified to do is run this shitshow of a building.
This petition really only helps me, personally. If you sign, I will have a chill job making a respectable wage with very little responsibility or oversight. With that said, I definitely won't threaten to sue my own society for petty reasons, or encourage a group of teens to take away your medical coverage, or try to co-opt "lit" in a failed Trump parody which somehow worked(?).
I will somehow make the UVic Memes fecebook account an integral part of our executive decision-making process (possibly replacing the Board of Directors) and I also will make cider available on tap at Felicitas because these two things are the only two things I am legit passionate about.
Also if you sign this petition I'll hook you up with a job when you graduate because never forget that your degree is also worthless.
Thank you in advance for your support
*the way better Starbucks
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