It has been reported that the Upper Peninsula of Michigan is the only remaining “state” in the USA with zero positive cases of the corona virus. It is only natural that should the resilient UP come out on the other side without any positive cases, we have proven our superiority and shall secede from the lower peninsula of Michigan and become our own state.

It is also only natural that during these trying times, we must build a wall along the Wisconsin-UP border, and blow up the Mackinac bridge and whatever the bridge to Canada is called. These precautions must be put in place to ensure that roni virus stays outta our blessed lands for good.

We ask that you please join us in our valiant effort to finally give the UP what it deserves, official statehood. Thank you for your time.