hi

 

 

 

I’m J.

 

 

 

 

my pronouns are they.them and I do not have a gender

 

 

 

for the last five years I have been working hard to determine which decisions we would be able to make for ourselves as individuals and as a global community as a whole to make the most of our lives AND to truly face the eco-socio-environmental challenges of the future

 

 

 

a few days ago I was only beginning to get all this out there when I read on social media that Reese killed himself

 

 

 

he was constantly being bullied for being in a relationship with a transgender girl 

 

 

 

both digitally and in his neighborhood

 

 

 

 

as I was scrolling through horror and anger and despair I ended up being hit once again by this statistic

 

 

 

54% of the transgender kids who are rejected by their family commit suicide

 

 

 

that's more than one out of two

 

 

 

it awakened in me as a gender non conforming individual the deep urge to do something about the more general issue of suicidal behavior among all LGBTQ youth

 

 

 

 

something big and bold something 100% positive and completely shameless

 

 

 

because it is not shameful to care

 

 

 

ever

 

 

 

I needed to come up with something

 

 

 

to find the beginning of a solution

 

 

 

I needed something that would help keep me hoping for a better future so that I may continue with my own life and projects

 

 

 

I needed to understand the source of this weapon of cruelty and hate

 

 

 

 

I wondered what was making the wielders of this weapon fierce enough that even when they do not harm their victims physically they manage to cause their victims to hate harm and even sometimes kill themselves

 

 

 

I have a feeling that more often than not true violence at its very core is carefully distilled

 

 

 

 

like the various shades of a most delicate bouquet 

 

 

 

 

hiding in the details

 

 

 

making itself discreet enough to remain unnoticed

 

 

 

underestimated 

 

 

 

 

while struggling to continue to start to live my own life in the most meaningful way as I have finally been able to reflect upon all the research and experimentation of the last 5 years

 

 

 

 

it finally came to me

 

 

 

it turned out to be nothing new to my concerns and beliefs

 

 

 

but it came to me braver brighter stronger and more determined than ever

 

 

 

scratching its way out trying to find its way into reality

 

 

 

the subtle solution or at least part of it to the insidious nature of violence against gender non conforming people

 

 

 

 

GENDER NEUTRALITY 

 

 

 

 

gender neutral pronouns

 

 

 

 

singular they

 

 

 

 

in order to fight the self hate of people that do not find it in themselves to reject the ambient violence and silent oppression of the binary cisgender straight world forces

 

 

 

 

GENDER NEUTRALITY NEEDS TO BECOME THE RULE INSTEAD OF THE EXCEPTION

 

 

 

 

when it comes to the way we talk about each other

 

 

 

 

here is why

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

by using gender neutral pronouns for others

 

 

 

 

you do not make assumptions AT ALL about people’s gender

 

 

 

 

you do not take into serious consideration what seems ‘obviously’ masculine or feminine to you or a pretend ‘common sense’

 

 

 

and you let anyone being able to define -or NOT to define- themselves the way they want regarding gender

 

 

 

 

by using gender neutral pronouns for others

 

 

 

 

you prevent unnecessary harm to people that suffer from social dysphoria

 

 

 

 

you do not unnecessarily characterize people in a way that is often confused with sexual interests and/or prejudices

 

 

 

 

you do not force people who struggle with their gender identity OR those who deny any place for another point of view about gender but a binary cisgender one to believe that their identity is bound to be attached to the gender they have been assigned to at birth

 

 

 

 

by using gender neutral pronouns for others

 

 

 

 

you do not let subjective opinions about what is feminine or masculine pretend that they are objective fact

 

 

 

 

whether we are talking about physical features

 

 

 

manners

 

 

 

behaviors

 

 

 

fashion

 

 

 

activities and.or occupations

 

 

 

whatever

 

 

 

 

 

by using gender neutral pronouns for others

 

 

 

 

you respect the infinite potential of each and every human being to become whatever they want whenever they want

 

 

 

 

and you do not create unnecessary issues with that potential when it comes to gender

 

 

 

 

you do not force people to believe that they have to be clear or explore gender possibilities only once and only if it is for suicide or self-harm prevention

 

 

 

 

you do not let people believe that potential is something annoying or something that one has to apologize for

 

 

 

 

 

by using gender neutral pronouns towards someone cisgender

 

 

 

 

you do not make them believe they’re meant to be only that

 

 

 

 

you do not make them to believe that they won some kind of gender lottery or are in some way better more sane or less subject to questioning than anyone else

 

 

by using gender neutral pronouns towards someone transgender and dysphoric

 

 

 

you do not let them believe they’re meant to be only that

 

 

 

you prevent them from believing they’re meant to struggle and despair or that they’re separated from any part of their infinite potential

 

 

 

or that the fact the world or other people do not provide or behave the way they wish they would is an invincible obstacle to their self-achievement and happiness

 

 

 

 

BUT MOST OF ALL

 

 

 

 

by using systematically gender neutral pronouns towards a newborn

 

 

 

 

or any child until they make their own move to define -or NOT to define- themselves as belonging to a gender or another

 

 

 

 

and even afterwards

 

 

 

 

you make sure you won’t make them suffer unnecessarily

 

 

 

you don’t create any place for social dysphoria

 

 

 

and you will potentially save lives

 

 

 

you make  sure they know they will be accepted and loved by you regardless of their gender identity

 

 

 

 

you do not let the opportunity for them to think that they might not be cheered up by you along their path to gender expression

 

 

 

 

it is not fair to let anyone uncertain about that

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WE ARE NOT A GENDER

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

that does not mean we owe people to meet their expectations about us

 

 

 

that does not mean either that we cannot choose to express our gender identity in a binary way

 

 

 

 

whether it comes from the depths of our guts or from the way others look at us

 

 

 

that means that what makes us valuable to ourselves and others does not have a gender

 

 

 

 

but it includes potentially all gender identities that one can imagine

 

 

 

 

 

I am urging anyone of us to ask oneself

 

 

 

 

of what use is it to color life with gender in any situation ?

 

 

 

isn’t gendering anyone in a binary way unnecessarily putting them in a cisgender straight sexualized scenario whether we realize it or not?

 

 

 

 

why gendering a friend? a work partner? a family member in everyday life?

 

 

 

 

why characterizing anyone by what is still considered by most people as the way their genitals look like/can do?

 

 

 

 

and especially when it comes to children?

 

 

 

 

when we take a step back 

 

 

 

 

is it really that obvious and normal when we talk about someone to make a statement about their genitals?

 

 

 

 

how could it be?

 

 

 

 

WHY would it be?

 

 

 

 

I am urging anyone to reflect on how language gendering might be related to issues like

 

 

 

gender dysphoria

misoginy

homophobia 

sexual harrassment

slutshaming

social inequities regarding gender

 

 

and so on

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am urging anyone to ask oneself if any experience

 

 

 any slice of life

 

 

 any sparkle of what makes our lives worth living 

 

 

has anything to do with the fact that we point at each other’s supposed or desired but most of all sometimes behatred genitals to the point where people want to die or harm themselves or have become unable of any positivity whatsoever

 

 

and if not

 

 

now that we took a step back, then came a little closer to look at it in the eye

 

 

do we really want to continue to do that?

 

 

does it look like something very mature we have been doing for so long?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

now

 

 

 

 

 

by using gender neutral pronouns for yourself

 

 

you do not let others the society nor the institutions take for granted that gender is assigned at birth whether you would be perfectly fine with it or not

 

 

you actively support kids who would otherwise suffer unnoticed and die from gender dysphoria by making the whole cisgender straight scenario's language change and adapt for the better

 

 

you acknowledge and respect the fact that you honeslty can’t know for sure that your perception of gender wouldn’t be able to evolve or that you wouldn’t be able to consider yourself as belonging to a gender or another or as not belonging to any of them

 

 

whether it bothered you or not in the past

 

 

OR AT LEAST

 

 

 

you do not make it sound like something that you wish wouldn’t happen

 

 

 

you are making the statement that you realize that being masculine and being feminine aren’t two separate things

 

 

 

that they aren’t opposite but connected and defining and redefining each other over and over again

 

 

 

both in the outside world and within yourself

 

 

that there is no need to continue to cope with social habits who are making suffering others or used to make you suffer yourself if that was the case

 

 

ans that you don’t need to make a binary move to be whatever you want to be at any time that makes you happy

 

 

 

 

 

overall

 

 

 

 

 

by using gender neutral pronouns

 

 

 

you do not entertain the idea that you need to be identified or to identify yourself as belonging to a specific gender in order to be happy or to have self-esteem

 

 

 

which is the only reason why dysphoria exists and is able to kill

 

 

 

therefore you prevent people wishing or feeling the need to go through physical treatment or to be considered as belonging to a gender that has not been assigned to them at birth from having to justify their choice by distress and victimization and a suicidal mindset

 

 

 

you do not push kids to such extremities in order for them to finally be public and shameless about what they are

 

 

 

you do not push kids to  just give up on life where we haven’t been able to provide them consistent value

 

 

 

because you create a new paradigm where gender expression is NOT meant to be an issue

 

 

 

for the people

 

 

 

and the people around them

 

 

but the commonly acknowledged and protected expression of the right to each and everyone of us to be their happy self

 

 

 

so take the pledge

 

 

 

realize

 

 

 

and from this moment on

 

 

 

go genderneutral for yourself

 

 

 

and if not

 

 

 

at least go genderneutral when speaking of others

 

 

 

but if it feels so unnatural to you to do that

 

 

 

if you are meant to have a child

 

 

 

I am begging you

 

 

 

free your child from gender the assigned one

 

 

 

use they.them towards them

 

 

 

specify whenever a gender is assigned to them that it is an assignment that they don't have to take into account if they do not want to

 

 

 

or at the very least

 

 

 

specify explicitly to your kids they wont be rejected for questioning their gender at any time

 

 

 

or to speak up about it

 

 

 

 

no matter how strong your assumptions or expectations or intuition might be towards them

 

 

 

do not take any chance to make the life of a kid a living nightmare to the point they will not be able to see any happy ending to it

 

 

 

please