The Catholic church is outdated, pedophilic, and notoriously homophobic. There should be no reason they have an entire country that is not even the size of The Mall of America. When the Catholic church inevitably runs out of money due to lawsuits from priests making unwanted advances towards young boys, Vatican City should be turned into a Tanger Outlets. 

The Catholic Church sold the rights to videos/photos in the Sistine Chapel to Nippon TV, a Japanese corporation in the 80s. Yet, they tell visitors it’s a sin to take photos, when in reality they were just keeping their $4 million deal in place. They are taking advantage of religious individuals by not telling them the truth about why they can’t photograph this artwork. It’s about time they sell the entire property to a fine company such as Tanger Outlets and pay off their long overdue debt to the piles of lawsuits they have.

The Catholic Church openly does not support the LGBTQIA+ community. Tanger Outlets, however, is home to select retailers that put up “gay pride” signs for the month of June because in the United States, June is “gay pride” month. Tanger Outlets also has an outstanding rewards program, called Tanger Club. While gay people are seen as a sin in the Catholic church, people of any background including LGBT+ can join Tanger Club. You even get a free tote bag when you join!

The 2020 pandemic did tremendous economic damage, on a global scale. Inflation rates are higher than ever in some places. Most tourists can’t justify a “religious” trip anymore, people are more interested in saving money at a hot new outlet mall. Tanger Outlets says it best themselves, “All the best brands, all in one place.”  St. Peter’s Basilica would make a wonderful food court, and The Sistine Chapel could serve as an amazing flagship store for any retailer!

Some people claim a trip to the Vatican City is a life-changing and spiritual experience. However, nothing will ever amount to the spiritual awakening one receives walking out of the Old Navy Outlet after snagging a sweet deal. 

Please share with anyone you know who has been affected by the corruption of the Catholic church. Let’s come together, as one, and create the shopping experience of a lifetime.