The Oxford Dictionary defines toast as 'sliced bread that has been browned on both sides by exposure to radiant heat such as a fire or grill'.

This has been agreed upon by generations of toast-consuming folk. This is an irrefutable fact.

However, it has unfortunately come to my attention that certain unlearned individuals seek to destroy this common ground that unites the toast-eating population.

These anarchists believe that toast made under a grill/broiler is not called toast but 'grilled bread' and that the name of 'toast' should only be awarded when made in a toaster.

Bread that has been browned and has a crisp texture is toast. Regardless of the appliance used to achieve this state.

This is proved by the fact toasters were only invented in 1893 - but recorded instances of toast date as far back as the Roman Empire! So the idea that 'toast' can only be made in a toaster is entirely senseless and illogical.

We must eradicate these poisonous new ideas before they infect and seize the people we love.