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Remembering our veterans, our mollusc friends, the Slug Heroes of WW1

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I am here today to discuss the often overlooked mollusc massacre of June 1918 on the western front. Had this event brutally murdered this many cats, hounds or equine - there would be hundreds of statues in every city and town across our Sweet Albion.

The Slug Brigade saved British lives during the bloody and brutal First World War, by detecting the mustard gas in the trenches. Upon detection of the mustard gas, slugs would respond by compressing their bodies and closing their breathing pores in order to protect their lung membrane as well as our boys. Sadly, this caused the death of thousands of innocent and naive slugs. Why must the actions of greedy and corrupt politicians affect the lives of our slimy subterranean brethren!

Despite the significance and scale of this tragedy, it is often overlooked in our so-called 'progressive' society. Slugs are often seen as little more than subhuman creatures of the night, but this could't be further from the truth - one clear example of where this notion has been proven false, is in the fact that slugs have 27,000 teeth (whereas the average human has a mere 32). Slugs also have the ability to smell with their body, a talent most humans are yet to master. 

We simply want these patriots to be honoured and remembered in public with the dignity they deserve. 

I hope this compels you to change the attitudes you once held for Slugs, and makes you consider how you treat them in the future. 

Best wishes, 

The Manchester Mollusc Society. 


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