Put an end to the poor treatment of domestic abuse victims and there families

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Domestic abuse is still a hidden and not spoken about crisis. Many women are still being made to put themselves at risk trying to gather enough evidence to support there allegations. Domestic abuse laws now include more areas that can be prosecuted, however women and there children are often left to stay in a situation that puts there emotional and physical welfare at a continued risk, for fear that no one will believe them. Whilst the government helped to extend the laws to protect people from many other forms of abuse, little is done to ensure the safety of these women who come forward. Many families are still put at continued risk whilst internal processes with the police take place, homes are left with families with children in them, that are not made secure in the first instance.


Many times police take action immediately giving bail conditions without letting the families know prior in order to make provisions to protect there homes. In many cases women themselves are left to spend weeks trying to get there locks changed and enhanced protection in there homes. This isn't acceptable.


A child's safety and wellbeing should be of the upmost importance, however many internal police processes, i.e. Marac etc are held in delay, although high risks are highlighted, women do not receive the help that they need. There is a clear frame work outlined by the police on what should happen. But in many instances women are left to feel unheard and that they won't be believed.


Emotional and psychological abuse is rife in this country. A crime that is punishable by new laws. However the government has not addressed how hard this crime is to prove. With many women staying in order to gather evidence themselves. Whilst physical and sexual abuse can cause an unimaginable amount of pain and suffering, it is the emotional and mental scars that fail to heal. With many women having no where to turn for support with that.


Social care still have too much red tape whilst assessments are carried out, unable to offer any practical help and support in the mean time. In many instances women are left to feel like a criminal. Judged and persecuted by a system that questions why you stay and place yourself and your children at risk if it's " that bad" many times the offender will get away with it and women are subjected to intrusive " finding of fact" in children's court proceedings, in order to try and prove the abuse took place.


In many cases the abuser will continue there abuse of power within the court system. With judges placing these women and children at more risk of emotional and psychological abuse. This has to end! In some cases the abuser will work in a high profile job and is offered the protection of the justice system. As if more evidence is needed because of what they do for a living. As if it isn't bad enough for the families to be subjected to torturing relations with there abuser, there left feeling no one will believe them. This isn't acceptable or good enough.


Lives are being put at risk every minute of every day and more needs to be done to address the protection of these women once they finally have the courage to come forward. Many will feel and be totally isolated due to the abuse and how it affected them and how there abuser isolated them. Many will either have or be left with mental health conditions, with no where to turn. And many suicides still take place before and after proceedings take place. Many children are removed from a mother because she subjected them to harm. Without the proper education of the realities of living with an abusive partner, many social workers will blame the mother of the child that was subjected to either abuse or watching a parent be abused. Even in the face of having proof of previous allegations made about the abuser they will ignore this to suit there own gain. With there primary focus being what the mother could have done or has done. Many of these people will still be allowed to see other children they have without social care taking actions to protect them.

Abusers are very clever and cunning people, without services understanding the complexities of the trauma bond that forms, how it is the reason many stay and continue to put up with this relationship. We will not be able to change the way society views the women who show immense courage and come forward.


More education is needed on how and why these women stay. That it's not because the abuse isn't happening or because they are weak. But because the bond no matter how destructive to them prevents them being able to feel they can be without that person. Living with them becomes and all consuming drug, this is because the abuser has spend so long " conditioning " there victim to think in a way that facilitates there abuse. That they cannot survive without them. That they are an awful person. Many abuse victims will have spent a long time trying to " please" there abuser. In many cases this is later used to show the abuse never took place. Abusers will often condition there victim to believe it is there fault and will have covered there own tracks along the way. Outwardly appearing to be very loving and honest people. Both in there jobs and in the community. They will have played there victim like a fool and in many cases any retaliation made by the victim is used in evidence to disprove the abuse and " turn the tables onto the victim" even in the face of clear proof that abuse was taking place, many abusers will not even make it to court.


The CPS holds ultimate decision making on the potential crime and weighs up the chances of a positive outcome ( criminal conviction ) our lives as victims are placed onto someone who hasn't met us and doesn't know how our lives and that of our children's has been affected. When the cps decides not to proceed with a case a victim is left to feel not believed and there abuser is untouchable. Later having to prove or disprove abuse in family proceedings. More needs to be done in the cases where the cps choose not to proceed to court, that protects the victim in other proceedings. We need a more victim focused solution, so that women and there children are able to show that abuse took place, however show the reasons for the cps choosing to take no action.


At the moment abusers are innocent until found guilty, and with so many domestic abuse crimes not even making it to court, an abuser is continued to be treated as " innocent " because the criminal justice system has not found them guilty. There needs to be a way that women can still achieve a level of acknowledgement of there abuse. And are not continually made to feel that no one believes them.


Our children will grow and be shown by our system that they won't be believed. That we have to stay and video and tape evidence and show broken bones. And the police will still say it is there word against yours. The social work system will still judge mothers for staying and challenge the emotional affect this has on our children. Without taking any action against the abuser themselves.

Without challenge to the system to appreciate far more damage is done by choosing not to prosecute. We will continue to raise children to be told you will be believed, only for them to be demonstrated that no one believes a victim.That nothing you show can prove that abuse took place.
I wish to end the weight of blame on mums that stay. No one chooses to have children with an abuser. In many cases there is a very complex reason that women stay.

I wish to request more support both to the safety in the home and counselling to be offered asap to women who request it.

I request that government look at how they have addressed the laws surrounding non physical violence and how it can be proved.

I ultimately wish to educate society that women are not defective because they find themselves with a very devious, cunning and clever man. Who abuses them in every way hiding behind his professional job. Abusers come from all walks of life. No one should be exempt from the possibility that they maybe an abuser.


More than anything I wish to educate society that women with mental health histories often have more relapses and episodes of poor health whilst in the company of an abuser. They do not deserve to be questioned differently because they might be " mental" or " unbelievable" in many cases the abuser will have used a women's mental health against them, in order to disprove any claims you may make and to discredit them. Having a mental health issue does not make you discreditable, in fact we need more education surrounding the fact this makes women more vulunerable. With social care using this stance and issue to shape an opinion on your care of your children. And it is wrong.


Many women will suffer more once they have left the abuse, either with trying to get there head around the abuse, come to terms with the loss of the abuser and look after children on there own. Or because of the increase in violence both physical and non physical.


Many abusers will have been so controlling that women may not cope very well on there own. More support needs to be given.
Abuse is never right, and women shouldn't be made to feel like they have to stay to be able to prove it. LEAVE !


No matter what your abuser does for a living you are better leaving knowing you are doing the right think, over staying because you cannot prove it.
I also wish to end that the police continue to not take seriously abusers risks, hiding behind the stance that there are bail conditions and that a person wouldn't be that stupid to break them. Sadly this attitude being given to a victim does not make there children or themselves sleep better at night....... after all the abuser was that stupid to abuse in the first place and continue for many years. Police do not live in the houses of people who are abused and therefore have no right to try to demonstrate to you that the person wouldn't be stupid enough in there position to break bail conditions. Because after all we all live in a street or town or work in a job with someone who maybe going home and planning the next abusive episode whilst trying to set you up to look like it is your fault. Abusers are clever people, damaged in there relationships with there partners and children. They hide on every playground, in every job and from all walks of life.


Emotional and psychological abusers are very clever people. They spend a great deal of time exploiting you and your situation to there own gain. They will gaslight you and mess with your sanity and create issues where there aren't any, and blame you. They will lie profusely and repeatedly without any fear of consequence. It is when you challenge this abuse you are most at risk. And it is when you do this that the abuser will ensure they have set you up so no one will listen to you.
I wish to urge more women and children to come into the light against this kind of abuse and seek help.

Say no! To emotional, physical, sexual, financial abuse and stand against the system to fight for more justice and protection to the victims that may have spent years fantasising about being strong enough to stand strong against someone. That may have waited till they were strong enough mentally to be able to stand strong and be believed.
Abuse is never right and women shouldn't feel they are to blame for the impact this had on the child with no accountability to this held against the perpetrator.


Show our children that abuse will be taken seriously and they can be believed and fight to put an end to cases not proceeding to court.



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