Custodial sentences for mothers who wear pyjamas on the school run.
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There is an epidemic like no other that has arisen in our green and pleasant land. An epidemic as dangerous and as far spread as the bubonic plague itself. It is an act that has been growing over the past 2 decades and something that shows NO sign of slowing down. It's birth spewed from the pyjama aisles of Primark into the bedrooms of the underclasses and shows the tenacity and determination of a hurricane on steroids.
I speak of course of mothers wearing pyjamas on the school run. An act so vile and so repulsive that I watched a pile of dog excrement cry at the sight of two women small in stature yet heavy weight push along prams to the school gates squeezed into pink onsies. Resembling two giant woolen hats filled to the brim with pale meat topped with a Richmond super king cigarette. The excrements despair was consoled only by a nearby half eaten Greggs steak slice who took pity on the poop. I myself have seen this one too many occasions and have struggled with sleeping over recent months. I amongst fellow full dressed parents have been meeting once a month to share our stories and help each other recover the trauma of these sights only Satan could withstand.
But I am a man and can carry these heavy visions on my hairy shoulders. I speak not for my torment but for the children of this fine nation. I know too well the horrors faced as a child of one of these night wear demons. In my early years my mother wore a dressing gown to school and the other children scolded me for her actions. I found glass in my shoes, a used heroin needle in my jam sandwich and a wild pitbull in my schoolbag. Times have changed and children are more cruel and more inventive. There are children up and down these isles that are being bullied, harrased and teased on a daily basis because their mothers cannot and will not remove their layers on nightwear and crocs. This is neglect and something I and you should not tolerate.
I demand a custodial sentence with a minimum sentence of LIFE for any mother caught in this ungodly act. Rehab for those willing to try and take off their slippers and nighty and counselling for the children who have been through this ordeal. Please sign, it's your duty.
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