Annex Moab!

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Juan Wilder
Juan Wilder signed this petition

There is a part of Utah that’s trapped in the wrong state. A place that is only Utahan by geography, but not in spirit; a place that cannot fully, authentically express its true cultural potential until it realizes its true home.

Moab, Utah. Yes, that pinnacle gem of the Land of Deseret, that pink and rust paradise nestled at the base of the La Sals, Abbey’s country: where jeeps and mountain bikers crawl over rolling petrified sand dunes, where river rats roam and monkey-wrenchers wrench. Moab may be situated in Utah, but its heart and soul is cut straight from the Colorado cloth.

Which is exactly why Colorado needs to annex that town (and its surrounding area) from Utah. This has nothing to do with resources or tax dollars or greed in any sense. This is about lifestyle. This is about the doing the right thing. We need to save our kin from being stuck in the wrong skin. It is Colorado’s moral duty to initiate a rescue operation. Operation: Annex Moab!

Because, truly, the Colorado way of life is the only thing missing from Moab’s.

Now, before you go calling this an act of “treason,” “aggression,” or “Civil War,” hear me out: because I’m not talking about the same kind of annexation Russia used in Crimea and the Ukraine, or that China used in Tibet. I’m talking about peaceful, friendly, neighborly annexation. A civil affair. A hospitable and mutual agreement of separation from Utah and conjugation with Colorado.

This idea was not was born in a vacuum, I assure you. This idea is one that’s been discussed at large on both sides of the Colorado/Utah border, an idea that has been tossed around many campfires and kicked along many trails, a vision that many Coloradans (and Utahans, alike) have shared, in earnest, in desert solitaire — a fantasy that the region’s hikers, mountain bikers, rock climbers, kayakers, fishermen, skydivers, base jumpers, raft guides, gear heads, river rats, desert lovers, snow bunnies, powder hounds and casual road trippers have all entertained at one time or another: the yen that Moab was somehow within the Colorado state border. 

And it’s already happening — officially or not, whether everyone’s on board or not. You can see it plainly throughout the town on any given weekend of the summer, spring or fall. You’ll notice that more than half of the cars out there have Colorado plates on them already. Go into any of the outdoor gear stores and you’ll find chalk bags, festival pouches, water bottles, hats, shirts and frisbees emblazoned with the Colorado flag symbol. Go strolling along desert trails and you’ll smell people burning Colorado’s unofficial state flower (a felonious offense in those parts).

You might even see an Annex Moab! sticker or two, slapped onto the back of road signs or the walls of bathroom stalls.

The movement is alive. And it’s no real surprise, either. Life under the Utahan state regime is strange. The ruling political party over there bends its agendas to the whim and whimsy of the Mormon Church; alcohol sales are heavily restricted, marijuana possession can land you in jail; in some cities there are laws against throwing snowballs, in others there are laws forbidding women from swearing, and throughout the state, married men can legally be held responsible for crimes their wives commit.

It’s a weird place. And an indisputably beautiful one, filled to its brim with incredible outdoor terrain, mind-boggling vistas, and extraplanetary scenery unlike anything else anywhere else on Earth. It’s got world renowned mountain biking, hiking, rock climbing and river riding. It’s got good people, good food and an abundance of good vibes.

It’s just also trapped in a state that’s legislatively 100 years behind where Moab deserves to be.

Which is exactly why this discussion of annexation deserves some real thought. What if all that beautiful land, all that incredible terrain and natural magnificence was brought up to social speed? What if Colorado could absorb Moab into its way of life?

Coloradans want this, the people of Moab want this, the world wants this. And this petition is the first step in making it happen. Sign it. Spread the word. Spread the meme. And together we can Annex Moab!