February 2021 - it begins on a Monday, and ends on a Sunday... 28 days from start to finish... 4 weeks of Mondays to Sundays. Bosh. Done. Why aren't all the months as clean and easily digestible as this?

It's not as if we need the 4 seasons to fall in 4 quarters anymore - they no longer exist, there's pretty much only Winter and Summer now and they're both very extreme - we've f**ked that. So my proposal is very simple; trim the excess days off every month which is longer than 28 days and add up the excess to make a new month;

Jan: 31 minus 3 = 28 (3 days left over)

Feb: Perfect 

Mar: 31 minus 3 = 28 (6 days left over)

Apr: 30 minus 2 = 28 (8 days left over)

May: 31 minus 3 = 28 (11 days left over)

Jun: 30 minus 2 = 28 (13 days left over)

Jul: 31 minus 3 = 28 (16 days left over)

Aug: 31 minus 3 = 28 (19 days left over)

Sep: 30 minus 2 = 28 (21 days left over)

Oct: 31 minus 3 = 28 (24 days left over)

Nov: 30 minus 2 = 28 (26 days left over)

Dec: 31 minus 3 = 28 (29 days left over)

With the excess days; throw away 1 and make a new month which is 28 days long. Stick it between March and April maybe (quite a boring time of year), name it after me, and bring New Years' Eve and Halloween forward in their respective months, as 31st doesn't exist anymore. If you had a birthday later than 28th of a month don't panic you'll still get it - just work out yourselves what your new birthday will be, I can't do everything for you.