Make SLAYER the Official Thrash Metal Band of Tennessee
This petition had 35 supporters
With all this bullshit of making the Bible the official book of Tennessee I thought it was about time to get everybody to stop the insanity and listen to some fuckin Slayer so I made this.
Why does Slayer deserve to be official Thrash Metal Band of Tennessee? They aren't even from Tennessee, you say. Well, at least they're American which is more than I can say for the Bible. And they also raise way more tax revenue in Tennessee than the Bible, because they played Nashville like a month ago or something with Testament and Carcass while all the big-ass megachurches with their shitty house bands get off tax fuckin free. And Carcass and Testament even played a second show in Knoxville for some trickle-down type shit. Beer is way better for the state's bottom line than church so suck on that.
But Slayer are still from California, you say. Well I say Slayer is almost definitely the most popular Thrash band in Tennessee aside from maybe Metallica but Metallica made like seven records that weren't even thrash and recorded with a symphony which sucked. Slayer has been straight-up thrash all the way through, they don't know how to change. And they're also still active and somewhat relevant, unlike the boneheaded fundamentalist interpretations of the Bible which are anti-historical, anti-intellectual and a key reason that so many Tennesseans hold horribly exclusionary views (sexism and homophobia for example) which do major damage to our society. Anyway just ask around and you'll see that people like Slayer let's move on.
But Slayer talk about horrible evil things like Satan and Nazis, you say. Well I say that's true - but where did Satan come from? The damn Bible, that's where. And where does anti-Semitism come from? Check out the gospel of John you jackasses, blaming the Jews for some bullshit goes back a long damn way. In the meantime you've got apostles and prophets and all those other "inspired writers" saying that God's gonna get mad and kick the shit out of everybody who doesn't love him and throw us into the lake of fire and visit the sins of the father onto his kids who didn't do anything and telling the Israelites to kill the men and the cattle but keep the kids and women for themselves and fuck-all else. Actually in that sense Slayer is a strictly Christian band anyway and since Tom Araya the lead singer is a Catholic (yeah I know you don't think they're Christians but work with me here) I feel like we're pretty much QED here.
But seriously, you say, this whole thing about Slayer being the official anything of Tennessee just doesn't make any sense, let's just drop it. Well I say that I have proven that it makes about as much sense as your Bible bullshit. All of us don't believe that crap. And to be serious along with you just for a moment I'll say that I think everybody ought to be free to read the Bible and make their own decisions about it, go to church don't go to church whatever, but our civic institutions ought not to establish or promote one religion over any other, all Tennesseans (and all human beings) should feel equally welcome and be equally welcome to participate in our government no matter how they choose to identify themselves or what they believe. Tolerance, plurality, justice. Key virtues in any functioning democracy. Also some stuff that the damn founding fathers I hear about all the time thought was important.
Anyway I know you uptown Nashville lawmakers won't get any of this at all so up your ass and FUCKIN SLAAAAAYYYYYERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I laughed when I wrote this you no sense of humor havin puritan bastards. SLAYER FOR OFFICIAL THRASH METAL BAND OF TENNESSEE 2016
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