Get Audrey wrapped in bubbles and I might buy you Chipotle

Get Audrey wrapped in bubbles and I might buy you Chipotle

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Arielle Wayner started this petition to Sykes Wellness Center and

CITIZENS OF THE WORLD,  hear ye, hear ye. I call on you today to request your signature on this most urgent of petitions. At this very moment, a girl of the age of 15, Audrey, is perishing from a disease only known to herself. A disease that has caused her and her loved ones great trauma since the moment she came out of the womb. A disease so ghastly, so rare, that doctors and scientists have yet to diagnose it. What is the disease you ask? Herself. Audrey is the disease.

"I don't choose, it just is," she says. It's clear that she has some deep internal conflict brewing in the depths of her severely injured body. Herein lies the problem.

The Audrey disease is a self-inflicted problem that comes as a result of reckless behaviour and lack of logic but that, typically, only causes Audrey pain. Thus the problem to be solved is how to prevent Audrey from hurting Audrey.

Take away her penny board? Yes, that would solve 40% of her injuries. However, who would we be, how immoral of a crime, to leave her to suffer from the other 60% of her dangers? The only solution that would eliminate 100% of her perils would be to wrap her in unpoppable bubble wrap.

Sign this petition, and together, we will be the face of a safer nation.

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