So where do I start with this horrendous ordeal that myself and family have been put through, the reason I'm raising this is I can't continue to be blamed time and time again and also there is no support for parents or children who this happens too. It's so devastating to families I'm speaking out because I believe this might help even just a little bit.

 

Where to start the story I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis at 17, I used to be cabin crew and loved my job but gave it up due to health issues. 

Now I lost my Dad at a tender age of 14 and he was my hero so since then I've wanted to have my own little family. From 17 I longed for a child. At 18 I was with my first love and ended up falling pregnant twice 2 months apart and also unfortunately he didn't want to keep them. At the time I had also got my dream job for Virgin Atlantic so I thought I had done the right thing. 

However I believe after having them painfully removed, I believe this started my endometriosis and I didn't realise the consequences. Since that very day I had never fallen pregnant and had over 10 surgeries to remove my endometriosis and also IVF and fertility drugs. It didn't matter what I done I could not conceive.and the pain was unbearable so i was put on all sorts of drugs fed to me by several gps one being Dihydrocodiene. This ate me up for years, it turned me crazy. All I wanted was my own little family. Now I will be honest it drove me crazy to the point I didn't make the best choices in my life. I've never been a bad person I've just had sad things happen. Infact I am the kindest person, my dad and mum brought me up with morals and respect, I've carried that through regardless of bad times. 

I've tried with previous partners never taken contraception and now thinking about it that's what properly ruined our relationships, me putting too much pressure on them. Its taken this to realise this. So if any of them read this I am sorry.

 

I split with my partner who I was starting the IVF journey with like said above pressure got to us. 

 

I went off the rails by that point, I hung myself and was close to death all because I couldn't have a beautiful baby to care for and have a purpose in life.

I knew I would be a great mum. I just knew it. It could feel it in my bones.

 

Growing up I had an amazing childhood THE best, my dad was my hero, yeah sometimes Mum and Dad did argue but they loved eachother emensley and was together for 25 years, when arguments happened there was never a grudge held our family was a strong unit, I truly believe our family was special. I knew from a young age I had learnt from them and I knew what I would and wouldn't let my own child see the same. I knew i could install all the morals, respect and love that I was given to my very own child.

I had now decided I didn't need a man and was going to go for it myself and was going to become a single mum however in 2019 by chance I met my partner on a training course. We hit it off and he was different, kind and caring. He however lived in Bristol and I lived in West Sussex but we made it work. I travelled every single day morning and back for 4 months from Littlehampton i hours each day i travelled for him. He used to visit where I lived on weekends. (Now thats commitment!)

When I met him I was over the moon when he told me he had a son, he was worried thought it may put me off however, I loved it although he wasn't mine I was at last some sort of Mum to a middle aged child. He used to come over every other weekend and we would do things he said his mum wouldn't do with him. I loved him like he was my own. All of a sudden my insecurities had almost gone and I was starting to accept I was never going to carry my own but I had him so it was OK. 

My partner and I decided to get a puppy as that was the closest apart from my partners son I was going to get to care and love something of my own. 

 

Well getting our beautiful puppy was the best thingn weve ever done as it must have taken my mind of it as of the blue I fell pregnant, I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT, IF I COULD GO BACK TO THAT MOMENT I WOULD RELIVE IT ALL AGAIN JUST TO FEEL THAT HAPPINESS.

I had got obsessed that it wasn't to be though and it wasn't. Unfortunately it was an empty sac pregnancy and I miscarried. It broke me and my partner but especially me. Now a couple of months later again I fell but was worried except this time I went nearly full term, 25 scans later a million scares our little miracle was here. G we will call her, this particular s the name I picked from the beginning years prior. For legal reasons I won't say the full name.

 

I felt like the luckiest girl alive FINALLY I had what I had always longed for, dreamt off. It had finally come true. I was in denial actually for a while. We had to stay in for observation as unfortunately during my pregnancy I had to continue to take my Dihydrocodiene not only for pain but as I had been on them for such a long time if I just stopped and went into withdrawal I could have lost her, which wasn't an option. I felt awful every day as I didn't know what impact it would have on her. Thank god she was absolutely fine the nurses didn't even believe she was in withdrawal. We was sent home 4 days later. I would sit up all night and just stare at her thinking how lucky am I. Such a beautiful little girl we created. How had I managed that.

Within the first month G suffered with horrendous constipation, she would scream like a full on pain cry, it broke my heart to see her in this way. I always informed the gp if she was unwell they took the appropriate steps. I would always always do the right thing by her.

If I'm honest my partner at the time was brilliant during his paternity leave, he returned to work but as much as i wanted our unit it didn't matter as I had her there. The precious little thintg we had created

Now I cannot believe I am going to continue, one night I fell asleep with her breast feeding and I must have gone into a short dream which made me jump now G was only  4 pounds 14oz at the time so she just went and my reaction time wasn't quick enough. G hit her head on a Snuz pod 4 next to you cot and I heard the crack. I have to live with that in my head its worse than loosing my dad and finding him that night, reliving it and how much pain she must of been in. I had hurt my precious girl, no way on purpose but i had still done it. I went into panic mode and took her to the hospital however I wasn't aware they didn't treat children as not knowing bristol and was redirected to the children's hospital. 

I took her straight there and even told them she was vomiting badly, they quickly checked her over no scan, no welfare checks and sent me on my way. Now I've been told its policy for a non mobile baby to be reported to safeguarding regardless of how much the nurse said i was an amazing mum, I could of just been pretending. Of course I wasn't but do you get my point? 

Anyway fast forward the community nurse came out, I was open and said what happened. Even she said before she left "well done you not many parents would admit that as it could get them in BIG trouble" I DID not even look at it like that as I knew it was an accident that I had taken the nesscary steps I was meant too. I did ask for a scan too when I took her in and the doctor said nahhhh she's fine and we was sent home. 

We continued as a normal family and I was still beaming I don't think that will ever go away even after all the devastation. She was in perfect health   no serious concerns after the accident apart from a nasty cold.

We had a pre booked gp appointment on the Monday however on the previous evening when I was doing washing in the concevartry my partner now ex was changing her and notice a swelling around the same area. Now baring in mind we are 2 weeks after the first incident. We wasn't concerned and thought it may be to do with that so both agreed I would bring it up at the gp check up. 

 

Monday went to the gp she had her check up even head circumference, the Dr never ever noticed this swelling. I had to tell her about it. Now personally she should have seen it but I did bring it up still as I was concerned but not at the same time because she was perfect. She said she wasn't sure and would ring the BRI children's hospital for advice, she called me back in and the answer was " I don't think your a danger your an amazing mum and the BRI are extremely busy I'm not concerned regarding her so take her home and take her there in the morning. I felt reassured that it obviously wasn't anything serious. I got up next morning there was no time stipulated however I got there early, this is when a scan took place, I was taken into a room where I was told she had a fractured skull!!!!!!!!! What, how but I still knew it was from the fall because of the sound but NO ONE LISTENED. I was beside myself by this point as I automatically thought they was going to take her and I or someone had done something wrong to her without us knowing. Well I was completely right, g and i was taken to a ward we stayed for 4 or 5 days I was observed by nurses and every single one said your an amazing mum you've got nothing to worry about it's just routine. Now in my head I just remembered the very first nurse who didn't do anything and thought do i trust this process. During that week we saw a social worker called Sarah and we told her everything we could. I was in a state as I've never in my life been or known anyone who's been involved with social services. Sarah promised g was safe with us and wouldn't be going no where all that may have to happen is assessments at home maybe with a family member there but absolutely NO mention of her being taken. On the Friday the nurse said your being discharged we was over the moon and just wanted our little girl back home where she belonged. I don't know how people will react to this but what actually happened I got a phonecall at 5ish saying she's being taken into care unless you have a suitable family member and you've ONLY GOT 15 MINUTES TO FIND A SOLICITOR, She said I will send you an email and just literally pick anyone to represent you in court in 15 minutes. Well I physically broke down I couldn't believe it, didn't even get an opportunity to research solicitors and another bombshell we was getting arrested for GBH with intent on our daughter after the short notice court case. Can any of you imagine that? She was only just 2 months old at the time. Please imagine it. Leaving my pride and joy and being arrested.

 

Now please do not think that there is not nasty people out there that do do these things but not me there's been a mistake here that may cost me loosing her. Because other people do these things people like us suffer.

 

Luckily we got represented by the skin of our teeth and she was meant to end up in Foster care but luckily me partners sister worked at the same hospital so they deemed her fit to have g until a decision was made. Well thank god she went there. Now we was allowed contact 5 days a week for 6 hours apparently its just not heard off that amount of contact which was reassuring. We complied with everything.

It got to the stage where my partners sister could not have her anymore for commitment reasons and as my family are 3 hours away my partners Dad and Stepmum would be a good option and G went to them.

 

Worst mistake of my life letting that happen, don't get me wrong they cared for her but stopped all milk and cows milk from 7 months old even though it had just been made aware g may have a very very very rare bone condition. If she hadn't of gone there this wouldn't be happening right now. She was an inconvenience for them they would drop her off and let us have her even though that's breaking the law and so have we so now all parental rights have been taken....but would you turn your daughter away in that situation?

Maybe your disagree but we wasn't going too and was going to have that time with her because we knew HAD NOT done anything wrong, blunt force trauma they say (YES THE COT. I EVEN ASKED THE POLICE TO TAKE THE COT AS HER DNA WOULD BE ON THE BOTTOM BUT THEY WOULDN'T BECAUSE THEY SAID SHE COULD HAVE BEEN ON THE FLOOR. Well hold on she was non mobile baby  why apart from the accident would she be randomly on the floor. It gets better the police interviewed everyone but forgot to get them to sign it so at some point another one would be done, I pushed and was told we wasn't a high priority case. We was released on investigation with NO bail conditions.

 

Now back round to the partners parents, they became way too attached cut our hours without warning but when it suited them they would dump her off. Whenever we went round there for some reason they disliked me and was so rude and I could tell she was taking over, she started thinking she was Gracies Mum, I was scared of her. I never ever ever felt like her mum when I was there. I knew she hated me god knows why because she's always said she knows I didn't hurt her she just had a general controlling issue but with everything and everyone. So maybe I shouldn't take it personally! Plenty of people have said the same.

 

Now this court case was only LEGALLY meant to last 26 weeks its been a year and now today its been adjourned until February and final hearing potentially June now that's 

 

Now I can't go into much more detail for legal purposes but basically ex partners Dad and step mum dropped her of like a peice of trash to social and said they had broken the order and didn't want her. This has all come about because anyone who saw gracie within the say so second incident should have been brought in for a fair trial. A relative of mine got brought in even though she was hardly left with her. The other grandmother has got away with it but exs son had lots of time alone with gracie. IVE never said he would intentally hurt her but he's stopped contact since that day for some reason  my partner now ex at the time decided there was a question mark over him so he needed to be brought in. He's in his teens so it's so hard and upsetting but at the end of the day we want our daughter back and no stone unturned to find out what happened. Because of this my exs family have all jumped on me thinking it was my choice when actually his dad told me to do it. Does any of this sound fair or am I going crazy. His family know I have no family up here and I've been in the family for 3 years was meant to be getting married next year and I've just been disowned all because I have and want my beautiful little girls best interests AT heart. 

 

Social services and gracies guardian have broke so many rules and regulations, in February 2021 they failed their reports to keep children safe 9 months later they totally over board took her when there's absolutely NO evidence I am a bad mum and nothing in terms of cover up or key words were found on my phone. I was penalised for the medication so for gracies sake I've gone into detox to come off them even though later down it could have worse consequences. NO SUPPORT FROM SOUTH GLOUCESTERSHIRE SOCIAL OR HIS FAMILY. My ex has agreed with EVERYTHING we've put forward. I thought we was a team but clearly not as this morning he went against me with no warning. I just wish he spoken to me because now they had no ICO now they do and I doubt very much we will get her back due to the lies on behalf of his family. They've always said they don't want her coming back to my old home so maybe this was the plan all along.

 

Now what needs to change....the social system this has destroyed my ex and I. I never thought we would ever split up. Poor gracie is being sent pillar to post, two Christmases without us, so change if you say 26 weeks stick to it legally. Family should stick together and no one should assume stuff they haven't got a clue about Especially when they are not involved in the court hearings. Also what else needs to change is conflict of interest with social services and lies.

 

Now if you read my story please come and get to know me and show I'm not this person I'm begging you. I physically mentally can't cope without her anymore.

 

Lastly doctors do your job right in the first place and don't pass the buck to an innocent mum.

 

If this sort of thing has happened to anyone else please get in touch I would be so greatful because if I loose, I loose the only thing I've ever wanted.

 

Thanks for reading