If I report my rape, help me...don’t shut me out.

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It almost been two years since I was rape. February 18, 2016 was a night I never thought would happen.  I had been casually talking to a guy for a few days and he asked to come hang out. I never got a creepy vibe from the guy and I wasn’t doing much so why not. I was wrong, I was naive, and I should never have let him in my home.

He wouldn’t let me go. He couldn’t understand that a girl just wanted to get to know the other and watch tv. I was told I knew I wanted it. To just let it happen, that I’ll feel better. How do y’all handle situations that make you nervous and scarred? Do you close down? Because I did. I was nervous laughing trying to get away. Why didn’t I scream for help? I didn’t know this guy obviously. He wasn’t who he made himself out to be.

The following morning I talked to a friend to justify that I wasn’t going crazy. I couldn’t stop thinking what did I do to deserve this? I was told to report it. So I did and I went to the hospital. (Two of them) I went through so many test. Terrible ones too that make you feel like you’re getting raped again. I had to tell my story more times then any person ever wants to revisit it. I was so distressed that I was passing out and throwing up too. I was up all through the night and didn’t get home till the sun came up on the 20th.

The police called me in to come talk about that night. Again I told my story two-three more times. I told them the same story I told the other 5-10 people at the hospital that now knew my horrific experience. It had been half a week or so when they called me in for this. I hadn’t slept or eaten and was planning to move out. I couldn’t even turn into my complex without thinking how unsafe I felt.

Reason for this petition: I did everything “right”. I went to the police, I went to the hospital, I pushed forward and didn’t end my life. The man who raped me was caught soon after I talked to the police. He was put in jail for breaking probation on a SIMILAR CHARGE. Around a year ago I was called while on vacation and told my case had gotten a whole new team and was being relearned to better help me. They didn’t want to help me though. I was called again soon after asking if I would make a plea to drop the charges because I wasn’t a convincing rape victim but he would plead guilty to breaking his probation. So since I invited a guy over even though sex is never required or guaranteed and because I was nervous laughing...I may never get my own real justice. 

I need my day in court against the man who raped me. It scares me to think of seeing his face, but it terrifies me more he could be released and do this again. I need to win this case for peace.

I understand I could have done better but that doesn’t excuse someone else’s disgusting actions. EVERYONE should be helped who files a rape charge. So many people already are too afraid to report for this exact reason. And yes, I wish I had never said a thing. Keeping it secret would’ve been a lot less painful and I would’ve liked no one knowing if it wasn’t going to get help.

If this reminds you of your story or someone you loves, please sign. They are there to protect us, not bury our cases. And please, be respectful with your comments. I’ve seen others on other sexual assault petitions that made my blood boil. You’re more of a problem with the negative hateful things you say. Either support or move on to another petition.



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Caroline De Montaigu needs your help with “Senator John Cornyn: If I report my rape, help me people in blue.”. Join Caroline and 137 supporters today.