Red Bull GmbH: Remove Helmut Marko from any position within Formula One
This petition had 35 supporters
Why is this important?
For Sebastian Vettel:
Sebastian is an extremely talented driver, a fact proven by winning the past three Formula One World Drivers Championships. He has surpassed all expectations since he entered the sport through the Red Bull Junior Team.
But as wonderful as Sebasian's talent and achievements have been, the time has now come, for the boy wonder to become a man. He no longer needs the fawning support and encouragement of Dr. Helmut Marko, in fact, it is holding back his development as both a Driver, and a person.
Sebastian Vettel has a limitless well of far more objective and constructive support from which to draw upon. From his family, team management, colleges and fans. But there is also one other person who has provided Vettel with valuable support since he joined Red Bull Racing in 2009. Someone who has displayed a dogged determination to do the best for the team, and his teammate (baring the occasional, justifiable exception). No matter how much humiliation and histrionics have been inflicted upon him as a result of this support, he has used his knowledge and experience to help develop a car capable of delivering Sebastian three world championships. He had also provided immense support where it matters most, on the track. This person, is of course, Mark Webber.
Sebastian Vettel, you owe it to yourself, to your fans, to your team, and to Mark, to cut the apron strings that tie you to Helmut Marko. Finally earn the respect you covet, and claim your position as the undisputed number one in the best racing team in the world all on your own. Prove to all of us once and for all your strength of character, your honor and dignity, your reverence for the sport and everyone involved in it. Show us that you have what it takes to stand proudly as a World Champion without the need for a mealy-mouthed sycophantic benefactor to fight your battles for you.
I know you are a proud racer and crave to be known as the best in the history of the sport, and there is only one way to do that, earn your place in your team as the superior that you believe you are, not as a protected child suckling at the ample bosom of the Helmut that feeds you. Weaners are winners.
For Mark Webber:
As the oldest driver currently on the Formula One grid, Mark Webber has given more than most to the sport that he loves. From his first race in a Minardi, where he finished fifth. and earnt the team as many points as they had received in the last seven years combined, Formula One followers the world over knew this was a dogged competitor to keep their eye on for the future. As the years rolled by, and Mark battled bravely in teams that were sadly on the decline, only the most cynical of critics could fault his tenacity, talent and work ethic.
So many times has the cruel hand of fate reached out to deny him the success that he so thoroughly deserved.
From Malaysia in 2004, where Mark split a pair of Ferrari's to qualify a Jaguar in second, only to fall back through the field in that lamentable car, to turning down a seat in Renault on the cusp of their period of dominance, choosing instead to join Williams in a noble attempt to drag them by their boot straps back to their former glory. At the Monaco GP, in a woeful Williams in 2006, his sacrifice was surely going to be repaid. While leading the race, anyone with an interest in natural justice had every available digit crossed, but the inevitable happened, and Mark was forced into retirement by yet another example of shambolic reliability.
Then in 2007, something predictable happened. Mark moved to another struggling team. But this one, for a change, was in its infancy. Who could predict that one day that team would become the Juggernaut that it is today, Red Bull Racing.
We could only dream of that powerhouse back in Japan in 2007, when, after battling bravely to second position in monsoonal conditions, a first win tantalizingly within reach, a certain wet behind the ears charger, by the name of Sebastian Vettel, ploughed into the by now thoroughly tender rear of Webber during a safety car period, once again breaking the hearts of Marks supporters as comprehensively as young Vettel broke his car.
No one can deny the blood, sweat and tears that Mark shed for Red Bull Racing over the following years. Working his fingers to the bone to help develop a car that is capable of challenging the best. Surely, by now, with the end of his unfulfilled career is so much closer than its promising beginning, the only person that deserved the amorous attentions of lady luck more than Mark Webber, would be an innocent Guantanamo Bay detainee.
And so we come to February 2010, With years of thankless hard graft under his belt, Mark Webber slides his over sized frame into the RB6 for the first time. Few others on the gird deserved a car with the balance of a Mountian Goat, the vice like grip of a Tree Sloth, the speed of a diving Peregrine Falcon, but there were none more deserving than Mark Webber. And conversely, many on the grid did not deserve the privilege of piloting this beast of a car, but (arguably) none less than Sebastian Vettel. As a follower of Webber knows only too well, merit is a cruel mistress. With this in mind, precious few of those followers could begrudge Vettel his golden ticket to ride.
But as the course of this year played out, the world of Formula One soon came to realise there was only one arbitrary influence, one onerous object, one unfair factor that could scupper the justified success of Mark Webber. It was not Sebastian Vettel. It was, of course, Helmut Marko.
How many times must Mark be underhandedly undermined? How many inane questions must he struggle to answer diplomatically as a result of Helmut's rampant one-eyed favoritism? How many front wings must be given to the chosen one? How many upgrades must be designed to suit only the little prince?
Mark, like a giant tumor growing from the back of an alpha Gorilla, Helmut has weighed you down. He has stolen your nourishment, tarnished your once pristine pelt, disgusted your harem, emboldened your challengers and terrified your offspring, There's is only one solution. We all know what it is. The tumor must be surgically removed with the precision scalpel of Mr. Mateschitz. There is still time for the wound to heal before it is time for you to migrate out of the jungle of formula one, and into the open grasslands punditry. But time is not on your side, the tumor continues to grow, and some say a pungent puss has recently begun to ooze from it. Let us hope we can all work together to rid you of this terrible affliction before it is too late.
For Christian Horner:
Few people have a bad word to say about Christian Horner. This affable chap had danced the dance of Formula One politics with the skill of a leading man at the Royal Ballet (and with not dissimilar looks). This dance is more complicated than Swan Lake, and more unappealing than the Macarena, yet Christian has managed to achieve all this with the weight of the world on his shoulders. A remarkable achievement indeed, the only thing more remarkable than that, is that he managed to do it with an additional weight around his neck heavy enough serve as the counterweight on the Valencia Port Swing Bridge. That dead weight is, of course, Dr Helmut Marko.
Christian, not even the sick mind of a sadistic tyrant could invent a scenario to undermine your precarious authority more than the one you find yourself in. The closest analogy one could make is this: You are the slave of a ruthless irrational ceasar, tasked with being the wet nurse of the toddler heir apparent. Simultaneously, you are the supervisor of a barbarian war lord paid to teach him the art of combat, who witnessed his hopes and dreams (and his entire family) slaughtered by this all powerful caesar.
After running this gauntlet year apon year, Christian has proven that he has what it takes to rule this empire on his own. Not since Soloman have we seen a leader more fair and even handed. It's about time those hands were untied so he can unleash the full power of the empire he has been struggled to build.
For the sake of Christian Horner's blood pressure, and his remaining healthy head of hair, Helmut must be banished forthwith.
For Sports Fans Everywhere:
Performance enhancing drugs is the bane of sporting competition across all sporting nations and codes. Millions are spent each year on the testing for and detection of harmful substances. These substances are often nocuous, obtained through shady deals with duplicitous figures. They ruin the integrity and even playing field of world sport, and they spit in the face of fair play. Is there be a substance that fits this description more aptly than Dr. Helmut Marko?
This is a drug as pervasive as alcohol, as addictive as black tar heroin, as potent as equine steroids, and as sinister as an injection of calf blood. What's worse, this drug was not tested on animals, it was tested on a child.
An entire Formula One team is forced to look the other way while one of it's drivers is taken into a back room before every race, and given a toxic dose of this stimulant, whose side effects are known to cause petulance, insolence and index finger arthritis.
So sports lovers all over the world, unite and stop this unhealthy influence before it has the chance to spread and tarnish whatever sport it is that you hold dear. For the sake of the purity of sport, there only one course of action, Helmut Marko must be banned.
For Parents, for Society and for Future Generations:
Thanks to Helmut Marko, the ethics of Formula One has now deteriorated to the point where people seem to believe that in order to win you need to be a wretched human being. Even journalists are justifying arrogant, unsportsmanlike behavior. Children are growing up with disrespectful and self-important sporting heroes as their role models.
Formula One is a team sport. In what other team sport would you have one team member being admonished for putting the interests of the team above his own, and another competitor being praised for thinking only of himself at the expense of the team?
Formula One journalist Will Buxton recently wrote:
"One does not become a triple world champion by being a nice guy.... is this not the attitude that all the greats possess?"
No it is not, Will. Stirling Moss might be old, but he is not dead. Let us not forget him just yet. If the reputation and integrity of Stirling Moss means nothing to you, let us take for example the greatest of all the World Champions, Ayrton Senna.
A recent editorial in The Guardian sought to justify Vettel's "unsporting behaviour", and posed the question "what would Ayrton Senna have done?"
Many would argue that Senna would not respect existing team orders, and they are wrong. People who raced against him, and who knew him personally, all knew where they stood with him. Senna would never put himself in a position to have to respect team orders, because he would never have agreed to them in the first place. And if, in the unlikely event that he did, he would not wait until his team mate has turned down his engine (and his guard) so he can rob him through duplicity and deviousness.
Even assuming that he did do all that, do you think that after the race he would make a half hearted apology and feign ignorance. Pretend he didn't know what he was doing, and in the process insult the intelligence of Formula One fans everywhere? No, he certainly would not. He would be a man and admit what he did and why he did it like the proud competitor he was.
On the one hand, we have Senna, a true great of the sport, a man who demanded respect, and to whom infinite amounts of respect was justifiably given. On the other hand, we have a naturally talented but immature driver, who aches for respect with every fiber of his being, but who behaves in a way that makes it impossible for anyone who values the characteristics that makes any great sportsman great to give him that respect. He has surrounded himself with yes-men and sycophants who make a living by not to challenging him, or his behavior. Sebastian Vettel has more in common with a Hollywood starlet, than Ayrton Senna.
But thankfully, even those who seem to be apologists for selfish and deceitful competitors, can see the writing on the wall, as Will Buxton goes on to say:
"Ultimately we have Helmut Marko to blame for all this. The Red Bull junior programme was established to create such a perfect monster"
Will Buxton is completely correct. And the time has come for the real life Victor Frankenstein, Dr Helmut Marko, to be removed from his laboratory once and for all.
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