For many years, the meaningless length of "The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives" has stared into my soul, swiftening my heartbeat. When I look at its name, my muscles stiffen, my eyes tighten, and a waterfall of sweat pours down my body. It makes my very existence pain and has gone unfulfilled for too long. Please, I beg each and every one of you to aid me in the renaming of this government organization to a condensed, more fitting title while retaining an accurate representation of its purpose. Therefore, I propose to you, The American People, to come together and rename it simply to "The Bureau of Badassery".

You may ask yourself, "Why is this so important and why should this be the new name?" Well, to put it as simple as the name, each of the items in the title could and should be classified as "badass things". From cowboys smoking a cigar in their saloon, to secret agents ending a gun fight with a BANG, all of the current title's contents are the very definition of badassery. And as for why its so important, think of it this way: hundreds of government employees probably say it at least once per day. I would almost consider this mental abuse.

I hope you all will support my cause. Thank you!