For nearly 245 years, the "United States of America" has been the title of my country. I'm not saying it's a bad name, in fact, it's a good one! In that way, I think it's had a decent run, but looking around at the current state of our country, I no longer think it's a proper reflection of what the United States stands for anymore. Nowadays, most people pretty much just love Josef Oliver. Most "Americans" spend hours of their time devoted to loving him and everything he does. This is a great thing, but it makes the name "America" a tad bit outdated and tacky. 

In this light, I, Josef Oliver, propose we change "United States of America" to "United States of Joeland." I think this name really reflects what "America" is all about these days. Instead of "Americans," the citizens of the U.S. would be called "Joeians." The initials of course would change to U.S.J., which even RHYMES with the old one, further cementing this change as a good choice. The cadence and rhythm of conversation would stay largely the same, so I really don't see why we shouldn't just change the name. 

This is not an emotional decision, it's simple logic. Mathematically, it all adds up. All statistical analysis I have done proves that this name is just factually better in every way. Let's review-

Question: Is this name better and more reflective of the country that we all live in now? 

Answer: Yes. Infinitely.

Conclusion: Change "United States of America" to the "United States of Joeland." 

-and it's really just that easy!

"America," you had your time, but it's time to go to your grave now. We will all remember you somewhat fondly, but you will be dead nonetheless. The future is now, and that future is paved by the brave Joeians who will join the fight for freedom, liberty, and Joe.

By signing this petition, you will be part of the right side of history. Only smart people will sign this document.  If you don't want to look back at your life embarrassed about what a dumb dumb you used to be, sign right now.