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Please Arrest My Vagina

While handing down a lenient sentence to a safety officer accused of sexually assaulting a woman at a bar, Arizona Superior Court Judge Jacqueline Hatch took time to reprimand the victim for being out at night, opening herself up to a possible assault: 

The tenth amendment to the United States Constitution states that powers not granted to the federal government nor prohibited to the states are reserved by the States and people. As there is no constitutional amendment banning the ownership of vagina at night, we propose that this be added as an amendment to Arizona law. Thereby, the state can take action in limiting a woman's risk to sexual assault.

Below is a letter Sarah Galli and Sara Valenzuela mailed to Judge Jacqueline Hatch and Governor Jan Brewer. Please join us.

Sarah Galli and Sara Valenzuela

New York, NY

September 12, 2012 

Honorable Jacqueline Hatch

Division I, Coconino County Superior Court

200 N. San Francisco St.

Flagstaff, Arizona 86001

(928) 679-7551

 The Honorable Janice K. Brewer

Arizona Governor

Executive Tower

1700 West Washington Street

Phoenix, AZ 85007

(602) 542-4331

For the Attention of the Honorable Jacqueline Hatch and Janice K. Brewer


I am interested in arresting my vagina, and wanted to consult your judicial expertise.

I became aware of your thoughts on the transgression of owning said vagina last week, when you correctly implied that an Arizona sexual assault victim asked to be violated due to visiting a bar at 10 pm. This assault occurred at the hands of a public safety official, who you decided to penalize with probation instead of jail time. In fact, as you counseled the victim during sentencing, a woman is putting herself at risk through any number of nocturnal activities, including grocery shopping.

Much like penis owner Jerry Seinfeld, I enjoy a nighttime nosh of cereal (less so, Kramer). Therefore, in order to safely conduct any number of evening activities, including (but not limited to): cereal shopping, driving, walking a dog, going for a bike ride, out to dinner with friends, or even, heaven forbid, a libation, I would like to procure a penis.

I'm fully confident that this decision will enable me to live a safe life- one where I'm less irresponsible and prone to being sexually violated. 

Please let me know when this can be accomplished. I live in Manhattan, and it is currently 9:22 PM. I'd like to go outside.

My vagina is currently without counsel. Some protections are just so expensive. 


Sarah Galli and Sara Valenzuela

This petition was delivered to:
  • Superior Court Judge Jacqueline Hatch and Arizona Governor Jan Brewer

    Sarah Galli started this petition with a single signature, and now has 74 supporters. Start a petition today to change something you care about.