Today at work I performed an action so great it will go down in the history of the store as the singular coolest and most awesome thing to ever occur within a ten block radius. Upon discovering this action, my employer failed to institute an employee of the month program as recognition for this great feat. I call upon the people of this nation to show him we will not stand for this oppression. I leave this in your hands. I trust you will do what is right not only for me, but for people who do cool shit at work across the nation.