Guild Kick Olmaxx for being a false prophet

Guild Kick Olmaxx for being a false prophet

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Bill B started this petition to Parker

Hello, we have a severe issue on our hands
Week after week we have been failed by Olmaxx's empty promises of updates, let me explain while this enables his suspension from <Always East>.

Every morning in my dark apartment I wake up through the slight crack of light peering through the 4 inch gap in my blackout curtains. It's Wednesday morning, 7:15am, I'm pissed because I didn't fall asleep last night at 10:30pm like I planned because I was reading about all the updates that Olmaxx has promised us for the coming morning. When I wake, the impending loneliness and disdain of the day sinks in, however, a glimmer of hope flashes through my mind.

Today is Wednesday.

The prophesied day by the all-seeing druid Olmaxx, I check Discord on my phone to see if our great, all-knowing seer has received any news transmitted to him neurally through the tin-foil hat that is not merged with his skull. No updates yet, that's okay, it's only 5:20am in Blizz-land anyways, no sweat. My shower feels warmer and relaxing this morning, my English muffin tastes better than usual, it truly is Wednesday. I leave my apartment, the stairway I always exit through smells a little less like cat piss this morning, it truly is a great day. The weather is nice, it's May in Texas but for some reason I'm not immediately exposed to the drowning humidity and unfaltering heat that's always present most months of the year, it's actually, dare I say, nice outside.
My drive to work is much better than usual, instead of skipping through my thousands of songs in my Spotify library before finding one that works moderately, I have 20 minutes of seamless mood-fitting music. Olmaxx's greatness and love has truly begun to seep itself into every facet of my life.
I walk into work as usual, generally my least favorite part of the day, but I'm excited to sit down at my computer so I can promptly ignore my work and see if my good friend Olmaxx has posted any more news from his unfaltering intelligence and knowledge. I check the general tab, so far nothing but again it is still early so there's plenty of time for Olmaxx's undoubtedly true prophecy to be realized. I promptly ignore all my work for the day and watch YouTube videos while checking general for whenever Olmaxx delivers his greatness to us.

As every hour passes, my hope wanes a little more. 11am passes, the usual time news comes out, Olmaxx assures us that it's likely at noon. I'm not sure if I can handle another week of rejection, every Wednesday I'm met with the same inevitable fate. Every Wednesday I'm promised big news, and every time I find myself disappointed. I rid these thoughts from my head, I would not be defeated today, this is the day that Olmaxx has prophesied, the day he has promised us for weeks and weeks.

Another hour passes.
No news.

Now it's 4pm and time to go home, nothing has been released today.

I cry out to Olmaxx, "Why Olmaxx! Why would you do this to me again!?"
My words fall on deaf ears, Olmaxx ignores me and just like that, another prophecy unfulfilled.

I'm distraught, I know this happens every week but for some reason I thought this week was different, this was the one where all would come true! I was wrong, my cynical nature never fails me.

On the way home I turn on my darkest metal, nothing can numb the pain that Olmaxx has enacted upon me. Not even Oathbreaker's "As I Look Into the Abyss" can fill the void left in my heart, even the aggression and pain of the song cannot penetrate my unwavering disappointment.
I stop by the grocery store and grab 5 cartons of Blue Bell Ice Cream, 12 cheap frozen disappointing microwave meals made for 45 year old men who couldn't figure out how to boil water, and 20 frozen pizzas for the 20 times Olmaxx has lied to me. I'm only 23, but may as well start the inevitable decay of my body now while I still have the strength to lift the spoon to my mouth as I gobble up every last piece of that limited edition cookie cake ice cream enacting my early on-set type 2 diabetes. I grab my hammer and smash my indoor cycling bike to pieces, the thought of exercising disgusts me, there's no point maintaining any sliver of health in a world where Olmaxx's prophecies are unfulfilled. 
I binge watch 4 seasons of Riverdale and The Vampire Diaries, only youthful angst can sustain my last leg of life before my perpetual descent into despair. The descent had already begun who am I kidding.
Next thing I know I'm 100 pounds heavier, dozens of frozen pizza boxes litter my floor arranged in a word that reads out "Soon TM", I've begun to use Blue Bell Cartons to collect rainwater in attempts to prolong my decaying health since I no longer have water running to my apartment as I've failed to pay the bills. In the wake of Olmaxx's lies he has destroyed my life.
I lost my job after being unable to perform tasks on time due to my insanity-driven nature of checking Discord for any drip of news from Olmaxx, my fiancee has left me since she has noticed a clear obsession with this person 'Olmaxx', she says it's not normal to paint pictures on my wall of this unknown figure from my guild, Olmaxx, with leftover gravy from my depression-filled microwaveable meals 
She just doesn't understand me. She isn't the woman for me after all, I think this is Olmaxx's way of telling me something. I guess this was his prophecy all along, to lead me into this state, perhaps he knew this the entire time?

My blood boils like the large pots of al-dente pasta at The Olive Garden where my fiancee and I shared our first moments together over a communal endless breadstick session. Those times feel so far away, it feels like only last week I was healthy, employed, and hopeful. I check my calendar, turns out it actually was last week. 

Tears begin to pour down my pace, I'm disgusted by myself and what I've become. In just a week time, Olmaxx has dismantled my humanity and turned me into a walking shell of a man.

Then I have an idea.

I know exactly what to do.

Enact revenge on the false prophet who has caused all the misfortune in my life, yes, I will go to Canada and track him down. It won't be that difficult, I'll pull up the geo map that we just created and track him down, as soon as I'm in the proximity I know I'll be able to smell the deceit from miles away. It'll be no problem at all.

I immediately pack up the little belongings I have left, 1 blue bell ice cream carton, 3 microwave meals for the road, a frozen pizza for emergency needs, and 10 lunchables for adequate protein and nutrition along the journey.
My plan is straight, I'm going to walk from Texas all the way to Canada, along the way I will be stopping by coffee shops to check the status of this petition.

This is why I implore you fellow guild members, we must take down this false prophet. He has caused far too much pain the past weeks with his empty promises and shallow words, he cares only for the destruction of our humanity. Do not let yourself be fooled by his whimsical nature and joyful attitude, he is a wolf in sheep's clothing, intent on destroying everything he comes across. 
Help me in taking Olmaxx down, we must get him removed from the guild.

I begin my journey at dawn, soon I will see Olmaxx in person and demand justice be served. I will update you soon, friends.
-Bill

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