For those not in the know, the esteemed and brilliant music composers that make up the band Nickelback have been contracted to perform at the halftime show of the Thanksgiving day football game in Detroit. Due to the unflattering music tastes of many Detroiters who seem to lack the necessary faculties to appreciate Nickelback's passionate harmonies, groundbreaking musical techniques, and inspirational lyrics such as "Whooooaaaaoooaaaoaoa, oh god, Iiiiiiiiiiiii", a petition has been sent around on this very site decrying the decision and demanding a replacement. In response, Nickelback has released a video (http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/6aov) encapsulating the crushing heartbreak of these visionary artists whose work seems to simply be too far ahead of its time for the masses to understand, and also of the desperate measures they are taking to appease the hearts and minds of Detroit. Among them, dressing up as Detroit cultural icons, including Tom Selleck, Alice Cooper, and, yes, Robocop.
Robocop is perhaps the greatest hero that Detroit has ever had. He combines the two things Detroit wants most, robots and cops, into one elegant and gruffly handsome package. Just like us, his driving skills can be likened somewhat to a pre-pubescent Dale Earnhardt. I am almost 100% positive that he can shoot lasers out of his eye-slit thing. It is clear to me that the first step towards convincing Detroit of Nickelback's rightful place as the greatest band in the world is to wear Robocop costumes for the halftime show, and the way to get them to do that is an online petition that maybe 3 of my friends on Facebook will sign before tomorrow. Come on...don't you want to make a difference? Sign it.