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Get help for victims of sexual assault and mental health

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Sexual assault story:

A few years ago during my college years my depression was on the edge of self destruction, I would drink during college, vodka, JD and after shock. Whatever I could get inside a water bottle or what not. I slept with guys not because I liked them but because why not. Anyhoo fast forward a bit and I got bored of it all. A friend recommended I try online dating so I downloaded Plenty, 30 dick messages in and I was going to rage quit! However this guy messaged me, he was a gentlemen, we spoke, and we spoke and we laughed. I hadn't felt like that since my ex but I felt wanted, for the first time in years I felt like I mattered. we decided to meet the next day. I didn't tell anyone where I was going I hoped in a cab and jotted off towards Essex's...

That's where it all went down hill, there was something in the back of my head that screamed run, but I threw it back as nerves and waited. An Asian man of about 20 hopped out of his car and called my name. I thought my date had cancelled and sent his friend to tell me. Nope cat fish was my date... Not wanting to be shallow I ignored it and continued on towards the park with him, we sat down and we spoke. He was being so lovely.. Then it all went to shit, after repeatedly trying to kiss me I told him I didn't like it and he needed to stop, he said sorry and we got up to walk, walking towards the trees near what looked like a Tennis court he tried again however this time he gripped hold of my wrists and started putting his hands down my pants, I couldn't do anything but stand there and cry, tears rolled down my eyes as he continued to assualt me. Repeatedly telling me how I was enjoying it, and forcing my hands down his pants. All I knew at that moment was I wish I was dead.

For some reason or another he needed to pee, for some stupid reason I waited for a bit I guess I was still in shock, but something in me told me to get out of there, my phone was dead, it was getting late and I was suicidal as fuck. I walked and walked with no sense of direction what so ever till i reached a train station, hoping on I headed home. Still in shock I started pinching myself, I needed to not cry. Got home and my mum asked why I was late, I wanted to fall apart and tell her but instead I told her that college kept us late.

I've never truly dealt with those issues because I still blame myself, so instead I break down or push people I love away, even with relationships I still feel like damaged goods so when someone cheats, vanishes etc I numb myself so much that i infest so much pain that once in a while it self destruct's but now everyone knows why I'm a psycho.

Depression story:

When I was younger, I was constantly bullied, from my size, to the color of my skin to the dumbest reasons and I repeatedly tried to get help from teachers but was brushed off as it being "something kids go through"  This continued on into secondary school where in year 10 I finally called quits and tried to overdose. No one would know till I was seventeen, when I finally broke down to my mother telling her that her daughter had actually hated herself so much she wanted to end it all.  At first she was in denial but then helped me get help, We went to the doctor who told me I had something called depression, gave me medication and assigned me a therapist.

My therapist was a fucking joke (excuse my language) she'd cancel on our appointments, over book,  and if she ever did give me time she'd use that time to do things she needed to do e.g. drive to uni to get papers and then at the end of the hour session suddenly remember to ask me how I was. Angry at this I quit my sessions and continue taking my pills

A few years passed and my depression sparked up again seriously in college, a mixture between anxiety, depression and I had just gotten out of a long term emotionally abusive relationship, I was assigned an in college therapist who after the third session practically gave up on me

Then came CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) I finally found something that genuinely helped me, it made me look at my condition in a whole different way, but I missed one session due to a terrible anxiety attack and was signed off. "As there were people who actually needed help"

So why should you care:

There are hundreds not thousands of people like me in the UK who are falling under the cracks, or being labeled as lazy or not wanting to get help when in fact we are literally crying out for help, I'm a lot better but there are people out there who aren't getting the help they need and or deserve because "the government just cannot afford it." I'm sure  some time or another in your life you yourself or someone you love has suffered from depression or another mental health condition and some of us have even lost loved ones to mental health.

Today: Amber is counting on you

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