James Dodson, a 16 year-old Monterey peninsula resident, has gotten on my last nerve, and I’m sure he’s gotten on your nerves as well. I started this petition because I’m fed up with him, and I decided it’d be a good time to delete James Dodson permanently. What impact would this have? Let’s take a look! 

In the past few months, James has become increasingly inactive in our lives and online. What positive impact has this had? Well, The Dow (INDU) just recorded its best quarter since the first three months of 1987 with a 17.8% jump, and the S&P 500 (SPX) climbed 19.9%, its best quarterly gain since the final three months of 1998. Wildlife has returned to the streets of the world, no longer afraid of James and what he may do to them. Los Angeles has clean air for the first time in forever! 

When James Dodson is present, his negative impact is undeniable. Let me give you a few examples. I had a brief morning conversation with James a few days ago. Afterwards, I burned my toast. Burnt toast is known to carry carcinogenic components, so I basically would’ve died had I eaten it. It only makes sense to believe that this was Dodson’s intention. Thankfully, I wasn’t born yesterday, and I was able to deflect the subtle attack by peeling the black carbs of DEATH off of the toast slice. 

Similarly, I had a lengthy conversations with Dodson a few weeks ago. Right after the conversation ended, my sister came into my room saying she had a headache. Hm... 

I think it’s pretty clear by now that James Dodson is an evil spirit among us. Why haven’t we deleted him already? Please, help me by signing this petition. If we reach the target number of signatures, he will IMMEDIATELY be reported to the authorities. YOU can make a difference!