Hello, my name is Chad and I’d like to start a petition to have the city of Dawson Creek removed from BC and placed in Alberta. I think there are many valid concerns as to why this should happen. First of all, they don’t even have a creek. It’s more a pylon infested puddle. Speaking of infestations, there seems to be an excess of 20 year old Dawson ‘livestock’ that are freed to roam once per year before they spread across the country. This happens in close alignment to the summer solstice and they frequent dirty rivers that foster a river-pox outbreak a highly contagious disease that results in dirt percolating in everyone’s eyes and leaves a lingering cough for approximately 2 weeks. It’s paramount that these outbreaks don’t happen at music festivals. The signs and symptoms of the disease cause an orange colouration of the leg skin with small yellow banana shaped lesions on the that can be found on the groin and genital region. The rash cannot be removed for several days. 

If this weren’t reasoning enough, there appears to be strange over population of vegetarians that do not enjoy the texture of meat and it’s causing weakened bloodlines in Dawson. In an effort to keep the region “pure” especially when it comes to radio stations and cousins we should limit the amount of allowable volleyball in the schools. Anywhere these folk go a random midnight generator follows which can cause serious CO2 emissions and highly damaging to surrounding beautiful BC area.

After much investigation and evidence of the culinary preference of the Mr. Mike’s staff who’s palate favour expired 2 day sun cooked lasagna, it seems now more probable that the Mr. Mike’s is actually an uncover brothel where citizens fight for social hierarchy and who will get to sleep with the 109 year-old (but oddly attractive) Mayor - Dale Bumstead - at the luxury 2 star Motor Motel. If we can’t successfully remove Dawson Creek we should at least consider changing the name to ‘Dawson Crack’ as it’s more of a gapping crack that shoots straight down to HELL just like in the movie ‘This is the End’ where the seemingly beautiful people of Hollywood experience the end of the world, after pretending their all as innocent as the local pastors daughters, but in hindsight this seems untrue. 

If we haven’t said enough already, the biggest tragedy that the City of Dawson is partly responsible for, is killing the last known River Raptor a natural wonder of the BC habitat. It comes out only once per year to feed on hey-yall’s before winter hibernation. Regrettably, this years river pox resulted in an unsettling loss of the raptors natural protective mullet hair that helps the endangered species survive the winter. They were hoping they could kill it off in an attempt to make sure traditional oil production methods (after millions of years of pressure) are replaced with much less desirable canola oil. First of all no one even likes olive oil nor Dawson. Buy avocado oil like a normal person already jeeez. 

Anyways, please sign my Petition thank you.