Petitioning Matt Felgate to get a new profile picture and move on with his life

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It has been 93 days (and counting) since Matthew Felgate updated his Facebook profile picture to this photo. According to this article, the average Facebook user changes their profile picture 18 times a year, or around once every 20 days. Mr. Felgate's Facebook profile has inevitably become the stale Wheat Thin of social media, and he is most certainly at fault.

This petition aims to motivate Mr. Felgate to update his look, because let's be honest, his employment with Gordon College Residence Life has already rendered him out of touch. If you know Mr. Felgate, and wish the best for him, you will sign this petition and beg him to climb out of the crippling void of millennial irrelevance.

It is obvious that Mr. Felgate is the only person that can save himself... from himself. And while this scenario may seem dire, as his friends, acquaintances, and Facebook stalkers, we must unite to urge him to live a Life Worth Leading™, both online and off.

Thank you for your time and dedication. Share this petition before it is #2late4felgate.

Sincerely,

The Matthew Felgate Public Relations Crisis Hotline (MFPRCH)



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