Please change the name of Facebook​.​com to RememberBirthdays​.​com

Please change the name of Facebook​.​com to RememberBirthdays​.​com

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Justin Denton started this petition to Markus Cucumberburger

In the last decade, I've seen Facebook change drastically. Social networks used to be all about simple, customizable profiles where people could share pictures and communicate with friends and family. We could share playlists filled with the music we loved. We discovered art made by our friends from the local community. We shared in each other's successes and failures.  

The Facebook of today is different. News stories from the google frontpage, funny haha memes from Twitter, political shitposting, etc. The website looks and reads like a million justifiably angry and stressed working adults screaming into the ether in futile protest. Our behavior is regulated by algorithms that push comment engagement, forcing us to lock heads with our class brethren over minute ideological differences. This is no longer about our personalities as people, but our production as content creators, curators, and consumers. Social media is a job, and we are not compensated for our labor. It is a marketplace where everything is free and everything is bad for you.

To remedy this hotbed of dissent, we humbly request that Markus Cucumbersburger officially rename this website from Facebook.com to RememberBirthdays.com, to focus on the only feature of the website that has any actual use. This will be the beginning of a campaign to get "back to basics".

We also proclaim that this would be a great business move for Facebook, which has had its share of controversy in recent years. This rebranding will remind the world of the practical use of having a profile while downplaying any content on the website that has nothing to do with birthdays or the remembering of them.

Finally, a personal message directly to the founder of Facebook. I know a lot of companies are competing for our attention. Social media has become addictive and stressful. This is your chance to exit the market of selling the world the digital equivalent of cigarettes and re-emerge to the forefront of society as an industry leader in the business of birthday-remembering. 

For our happiness and for our health; for our communities and our national integrity, you must make this change. 

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