Change the way women are treated and dealt with during/after pregnancy loss in hospitals

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When women are going through the process of losing a baby through pregnancy issues such as; ectopic and miscarriage it is a hard, agonising experience. A lot of these women find themselves like myself staying in hospitals to treat the ectopic pregnancy. I was beside myself when I was staying on the same floor of the hospital where the new born babies were with their happy mothers; their is only one door in and out from this ward and anybody going through baby loss has to walk past this part of the hospital to get out!! So you can imagine my grief when being wheeled back from theatre after having my ectopic removed and there is a lady standing outside her room with her new born baby in her arms a few rooms from where I will lay my head for the night. During my hospital stay you can hear the babies crying which makes the reality of what your going through more agonising. 

Before hospital stays are even on the cards early pregnancy scans are given; you find yourself in a room full of pregnant people all waiting for the same thing; which is to be expected. However when you have suffered numerous pregnancy loses and you have gone to A and E with another expected ectopic pregnancy you are not wanting to sit in the same room as all these other pregnant women. After my scan I was told I would need to go to theatre because it had caused internal bleeding... I was given to a nurse who was going to take me up to the ward I would be staying on however before I got to the ward I had to walk through the same room where all these excited/happy parents were sat. As I walked through I tried my best not to cry but everyone was looking at me; you could see the sympathy and shock on their faces. This is not something women should be subjected to, this must change!!!

Once my surgery had been completed and I had a few days within the hospital ward I was allowed to go home. Your happy at the thought of being back in your own space however your just back home like nothing has happened... No information leaflets given to you, no concealing is offered or spiritual help. NOTHING! Just home to get on with life like you baby ever existed.

The only letter I got that even mentioned what I was going through was a letter from the bereavement services at the hospital. It gave me two options which I needed to choose and sign. The nurse who brought it to me didn't make much sense so I got 2 other nurses to explain it to me, all of there 3 accounts were different! Long story short option 1 was the hospital dispose of the remains of your baby from theatre. And option 2 was that you would arrange to have to make your own arrangements for the disposal/burial/cremation of your baby remains. This completely took me by surprise however at the same time I felt this was something that could possibly give me closure in a weird way; just something I would have to show for what I had experienced. However I was told so many different things it didn't make sense, I was told if I choose to pick option 2 it wouldn't cos me hardly anything to have the remains cremated because it would be so small. So I thought well I will pick that option then. I had to ring a funeral directors myself... where I was quoted £1450 minimum and it would be held like any other cremation at my nearest crematorium. I WAS CONFUSED!! The nurses came to me with this letter I told them I just wanted the ashes and they directed me to this option where I would need to arrange an entire funeral! IT MADE NO SENSE!! In the end the result was after the lab at the hospital had run tests on the tissues and remains they took from my body there wasn't even anything left to cremate even if I wanted to! The lady on the phone who had to give me this information was apologetic and when I told her the utter confusion of this entire situation she apologised to me and said she would pass on my story to the manager who would offer training to the nurses so they are aware of what the forms actually mean. I was thankful she said sorry however is this something that will really be changed? I think this is an utter shambles and this is another part of this huge issue which must be changed! The options should be handed to you once they know if anything is left they cannot fill you with this hope and then all of sudden take it away!

Miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy is one of the hardest issues any woman will have to face but compassion and healing can help to ease this difficult time and I hope raising this awareness and gaining signatures that we can implement change to the way hospitals deal with it. We can't stop it happening but we can help the grieving process. 

PLEASE SIGN AND HELP ME CREATE AWARENESS AND CHANGE TO THIS ONGOING PROCESS WHICH NEEDS TO BE REGULATED WITH SOME DEGREE OF COMPASSION!



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