Let Riley Review GPUs
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August 31st, 2018 - when Riley Murdock's lifelong dream died.
As a child Riley Murdock would watched at first sprites, and then polygons forming on the screen before him in amazement, thinking that one day he might be able to test the bleeding edge of graphical technology. Over the years Murdock has slowly positioned himself at the forefront of technology news, using his good looks and charming awkwardness to not just enchant audiences, but also to penetrate the inner circle of Linus Media Group, potentially giving him some of the hands-on experience with the latest and greatest in graphical technology, although sadly it was not meant to be.
The stage was finally set, Murdock was in the right place, and with Nvidia launching the first GPUs capable of Real Time Ray Tracing (RTX), the time was right too. For those not familiar with RTX, it is considered the greatest graphical leap in recent history, with Tom's Hardware's esteemed Editor in Chief saying "If these cards deliver even half of what they promise, you won't want to settle for last-gen technology" and "Just Buy It". As you can imagine Murdock was bursting with glee, going as far to say "What's the point of living without Ray Tracing", and in front of a massive live audience, Murdock finally mustered up the courage to ask permission to review this unprecedented new technology, finally realizing his life's purpose.
Moments later though, tragedy struck. Murdock's request was carelessly shot down by Linus Sebastian (claimed CEO of Linus Media Group, but we all know he's simultaneously paid by Intel, AMD and Nvidia). Imagine a balloon popping in deep space - complete silence - as everything this poor balloon has ever known gets cast out into the void, eternally scattering into the universe, forever forgotten - the look on Murdock's face was like that, times ten.
But it doesn't need to be this way, we can make a change. Sign this petition, let Linus know that we won't stand for his callous disregard for others feelings, and that we believe that Riley Murdock will do an incredible job reviewing graphics cards. It's not too late people, if we band together we can defeat the evil Linus, and once again give Murdock a reason to be alive.
Since the incident, Murdock has said "When I'm 99 years old and I'm lying on my deathbed, I'm thinking back and I'm say, 'Oh my gosh, I didn't have Ray Tracing for 6 months'", but with your help, he can instead lie on his deathbed in peace.
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