To my colleagues, friends, & competitors,

I want very badly to draft every Krark deck during the 2022 Major League Commander season. In order for me to do this, you all need to not draft any Krark decks. Thus, the problem.

I hope with this short petition to persuade you to let me have my beloved meatball child all to myself.

Why should I get all the Krark decks?
1. I got thumb tattoos of Krark's flavor text.
2. I run The Thumbless, the c̶u̶l̶t̶ unified Krark Discord server.
3. I've written primers on each draftable Krark deck.
4. I have all these decks assembled in paper already (and they're very pretty).
5. The narrative that this all-Krark strategy would create would be maximally entertaining.
6. Do you really want to pilot the format's most complicated non-deterministic storm decks under a strict time limit?

To elaborate on my penultimate point: If others snipe Krark decks during the draft, I'll be sad about it. The audience(s) will laugh. And then those folks who drafted Krark/X will have to pilot those decks. Whereas if I draft all three Krark decks, the Krark c̶u̶l̶t̶ ̶m̶e̶m̶b̶e̶r̶s̶ fans will go nuts, there will be a "people's champion" narrative in place from the get-go, and I'll get to truly test my veracity both as a brewer and pilot. Also: everyone else will play fewer games against Krark decks if I have all of 'em! What's not to love?

Finally, as penance for being so monomaniacally dedicated to one thumbless goblin, I will agree to draft as my last pick the deck of y'all's choice. Remember that I must pilot that deck at least twice, so choosing for me here is quite possibly equivalent to guaranteeing me two losses.

While two losses won't cause me to automatically not have a chance of winning this year's tournament, I invite you to look at my extremely short CV of cEDH tournament participation and ask yourself if I genuinely threaten to win this Mox Bowl anyway (lol).

Again: I and the undersigned ask you to not draft Krark decks during the 2022 MLC season so that I may live and die by the coin. 

Double or nothing?

Yours—