Joseph Daniel Arner is a growing man in search of independence. It is in his—and our—best interest that he receive a phone. By receiving a phone, not only will he be able to grow in his independence and freedom, but we too will be able to finally contact him without assistance from another person. Therefore, for the greater good of Joseph and our family, give Joseph a phone! 

I repeat, give Joseph a phone! (Imaginary chanting)