Family courts should be required to give children stuck in a joint custody situation a choice in which household they live.  Many people incorrectly believe children get to choose where they live at a certain age, but that is only true in some states.  Many states are operating on the assumption that the abusive parent’s rights are more important than the children’s right to safety, or the safe parent’s right to not be abused. By ten years old, children have the ability to communicate where they feel safe, and courts should be required provide for their safety above all other factors.

Studies have repeatedly shown that abusive parents use children as pawns to continue to harass and control the lives of the safe parent.  These studies also show that family courts repeatedly refuse to hear evidence or look at abusive patterns, resulting in children being abused until their 18th birthday. In fact, courts often punish the safe parent for asking for help, and give custody fully to the abusive parent.

A chance for children to choose could have prevented, among other things, my youngest child from enduring a femur break this week, which could potentially leave him crippled for life.  Because  his voice has been ignored, he was left unsupervised with a known violent person while in the custody of his other parent.  My children have been literally crying for help to escape the abuse for four years, but have received NO help from anyone, including school employees who are mandatory reporters, counselors, and judges.

The cycle of Domestic Violence will only end when children’s voices are heard so they can finally escape the abuse.