Keeping the Roses Alive - Public register for Perpetrators of Domestic Violence
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The first I heard about Domestic Violence (DV) publicly in the community was with the "To Violence Against Women, Australia Says No" campaign.
I didn't realise exactly what DV was until I found myself in a DV situation at age 37 and knew if I didn't escape it, I would die there.
I have 2 young children who were also subject to horrific family violence with DV.
The man who physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally and sexually abused me and two small children for nearly 3 years, is a repeat perpetrator. His previous partner had also endured his abuse.
When we first met, as also told to me by his previous partner, he was lovely. He was romantic, seemed kind, and talked about wanting to settle down. He convinced me after a short time into the relationship that I would be a be a wonderful mother and it would be a shame if I didn't have children. He had said to me that at my age, it might be difficult and that I shouldn't leave the decision much longer or it might be too late. Also telling me, we were so right together, it was meant to be and we were happy.
I certainly had enjoyed being swept off my feet by what I saw as a gorgeous and kind man.
About 4 months into my pregnancy, things began to change. I wrote to him begging him to stop being verbally abusive towards me and I couldn't understand what had changed.
Two weeks before my first baby was born he lashed out in a horrible display of violence and I was left in shock and fear.
His previous partner had also endured his horrible and very frequent violence. She recalls, among many other incidents, the day he punched her in the face.
His previous partner and I had a very long conversation after I took her two children and my two children and fled the house during a physically violent episode during which he had roughly pulled my two year old baby away from me and held him up off the ground by one arm. My two year old little boy was crying and screaming. I was screaming in horror and fear as he was flung about by this man while he was roaring and shouting abuse. He grabbed me by my face and hair and was pushing and pulling me to throw me to the ground. I was holding my 11 month old baby at the time and desperately trying to stay on my feet. There are many more events just like this one, the violence continued on a DAY to DAY basis. I believed him when he said "I probably will kill you one day". I still fear for my life and the lives of my two little boys.
Had I been aware of his violence, I definitely would not have entered into a relationship with him.
I went for help to the Domestic Violence Centre and a worker there informed me, perpetrators of DV carefully select their 'victims' and then will display perfect behavior until the 'victim' is committed either by pregnancy, marriage or purchase of property together.
This man blames his behaviour on his 'partners' and a diagnosis of ADHD. He does not take any responsibility for his violent behaviours.
We now live under the protection of a Domestic Violence Order.
I am hoping with this petition, that perpetrators of Domestic and Family Violence who have been named as the respondent on a DVPO (Domestic Violence Protection Order) or who are known to the police for family or domestic violence can be named on an Australia wide, public register.
I believe the register will assist our community by saving women (or men in some cases) from entering into relationships without knowing the violent tendencies of the other party.
In addition, being named in a public register will hold the perpetrators accountable for their own behaviours and actions.
I consider myself to be very fortunate. I somehow escaped. It wasn't easy, with threats to my life and threats against my children. And on the flip side, the emotional blackmail of not helping him, also a reason I stayed as long as I did.
This public register of DVPO's could save another woman's life. Save another woman from getting involved because as explained to me by a psychologist, the behaviours escalate. The first time he punched a woman in the face. The second time he also threatened to kill. The third time, he probably will.
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