Joe told me that being my boyfriend would require a two-thirds majority. Uncertain as to how this might translate into the real world, I asked if an online petition would suffice. Joe answered, "Sweetie, the Mob runs this town. Petitions are for dreamers." After quoting John Lennon, I pressed for a specific number of signatures. He said 214. He arrived at this figure via The Relationship Matrix. Do not ask him how he accesses this Matrix. Trust me. You don't want to know.