My children have beautiful and perfect hair. They look like they emerged from the wilderness after a day of gathering berries. My wife wants to cut their hair because they start school next week. This is a mistake. Here is why: 

1. Children don't need haircuts. Haircuts are a scam promoted by the haircutter lobby. 

2. My children look wild and free with their long hair. Children should be wild and free. 

3. Most people who cut hair for young girls just cut straight across the bottom like some sort of Little House on the Prairie nightmare. It looks like a garage door covering your neck. 

4. Haircuts will make them look older, and that will be devastating. 

5. Giving these children a haircut today could set a precedent for more haircuts in the future.

Thank you for considering this important cause.