Give me the auxiliary cord

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Howdy, I'm Don Turner: college student, music enthusiast, and JCPenney employee. I start this petition with not only the aim of helping myself, but all 106,000 of my fellow JCPenney family members.

If you've ever stepped inside a JCPenney store, you may have noticed the music which plays in the background. Nice ambience for a short shopping experience? Maybe. What you may not know, however, is that the same songs are played every single day. Every single day for the past few years. That's right, our entire ambient repertoire consists of early 2010s pop hits. The effect this can have on the psychological well-being of the store associates is profound.

At first, I thought, "Ok, I'll get used to these songs, I thought a few of them were real bops back in the day." Oh, how wrong I was. At this point, I've heard Tonight Tonight more than any person in the year 2011 did. I've heard Irreplaceable probably more than Beyoncé herself did. I can sing Lights, Fight Song, Mama Said, and My Way all the way through without missing a beat, and I swear to God, if I hear Thumbs one more time, I'm jumping off a bridge.

Knowing that I couldn't possibly be the only one driven to insanity by JCPenney's stagnant music choices, I asked my coworkers what they thought of the music, and the general consensus was, "For the love of God, please make it stop." As you can see, this is not a matter of musical preference, this is a humanitarian issue.

I urge JCPenney to please allow me, Don Turner, control over the music which plays in the stores. Not only will I bring a fresh musical perspective yet unseen by the company, I intend to attract a whole new demographic, while pleasantly surprising our current demographic with music aimed at enriching their shopping experience. My tastes are diverse, ranging from Kanye to Bowie, so never will two days have the same playlist. Imagine the company's genre choice expanding from modern pop to hard rock, heavy metal, jazz, rap, hip-hop, britpop, synthpop, shoegaze, art rock, prog rock, post rock, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, you name it. The average customer will say, "Not only do I appreciate JCPenney's low prices, but their jams are fresh as well."

I can see nothing but benefits for my co-associates and the company which I am humbly employed by. So please, JCPenney, consider giving me the auxiliary cord.



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