Jared Kushner looks exactly like Slenderman. Since he started working in The White House the United States has suffered. This could be a coincidence or it could be that "The Slender Sickness" has fallen over the entire country. The only way to know that Mr. Kushner is not Mr. Slenderman is for him to produce his long-form birth certificate to prove he was born in this dimension and not born from the collective nightmares of our children.