Zombies shall not run.

Zombies shall not run.

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Hank Peña started this petition to Hollywood

The undead should not move quickly.

1. When zombies move like feral animals it ruins the "creepiness factor" of a soulless reanimate wandering the world in an endless hunt for flesh. When zombies sprint they seem more like a plague victim going insane than the walking dead, slowed by rigor, and devoid of any impulse other than to feed.

2. It's just not fair! Look, life isn't fair, but we can all agree that in horror entertainment mankind should at least have a fighting chance. Untiring and unyielding undead chasing down human? C'mon! Usain Bolt doesn't stand a chance, much less your average couch-bound chip-munching sample of pop culture veal. 

3. Okay, I could see a compromise where the undead MIGHT move quickly and fluidly when they first rise, but as rigor sets slow down significantly. I'd need that in writing with stiff penalties for seedy scofflaws and, yes, even dreamy Brad Pitt.

4. This petition is stupid. We need no ghost come from the grave to tell us this. Still, in a world where we ignore global warming and the President is a morally bankrupt reality show clown... we need silly distractions. This may as well be one of them. It's either this or I find a way to outlaw carnivals. I hate carnivals. Gross!

 

 

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