Help me be recognised as the fastest man alive

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Hi, My name is Kenneth and I would like you to support me in my quest to be recognised for who I truly am.

I am getting sick and tired of people thinking they can call me slow because I do bad in cross country. However this is on purpose as at my to speed of 6,000,000,000 meters per nanosecond I rupture space and time itself. On Earth I am forced to limit my speed to a mere 299 792 458 meters per second. I am happy to have this recorded by anyone (hopefully my favourite YouTuber Luigi3106)

Having a world record would mean so much to me as I would finally be recognised for my true potential. I hope you will support me in my quest.

Signed, Kenneth.