Conversion Therapy for Musical Theatre Males
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Have you ever been to a theatre show, walked through the doors, sat in your seat, hear the music play, the curtains open and then be utterly disappointed from then onwards? I have. When this happens, could you ever figure out why? Did it always feel like the answer to why this show just isn't up to standard is right in front of you but you can't see it until someone points it out to you, like that jar of pickles you can never find in the fridge even though you know it's in there somewhere? WHERE ARE THE PICKLES?
If so, today is your lucky day cause I am going to point out the pickles of the theatre that have been in your face the entire time: it's the males. The straight ones. Heterosexual males just aren’t up to standard in the theatre industry. As an experienced theatre critic, I can tell that they aren't able to show enough emotion and it makes the whole show just seems kind of bland. But can we do something about this? Is there a solution to the lack of talent in these amateurs? Never fear! There is a solution that's somehow gone over all our heads and it's quite simple:
Make them gay.
Such a simple idea that could change the nature of amateur musical theatre completely. Who wants to see straight males on a stage that is meant for people who can show emotion? The guys ruin the whole production. So what you could do it just make them gay and voila! They will learn to gossip with to all their female friends and bitch about all their problems truly showing their emotions, and they will be more dramatic about everything. These dramatics will be exactly what you want to see on the stage.
Although this idea is simple, you have the problem of how to make them gay. Easy. Conversion therapy. Which for those who don't know is a method of therapy designed to change the sexual nature of someone. It's very common in places like America with plenty of people - including the Vice President of The United States of America - who are all for it. The therapy should be done as soon as possible so that change in theatre quality happens as soon as it can. So, naturally, performing it on the youngest males is the best way, especially because they may not even know for sure what sexuality they are yet.
The on-stage acting increase in quality is not the only advantage either, there are many other benefits too.
It is well known that a male and you are in a production with at least two other males, at least one of you is gay. Obviously this will make the straight males in the room scared as they might not want to get hit on by a male. But with the conversion therapy, everyone is extremely comfortable with each other and this therapy could also help some guys fall in love!
But now to a serious issue. The overpopulation of Earth is becoming a massive problem. We are running out of resources for people to consume and use, soon there will be nothing left. But along conversion therapy for musical theatre males and Presto! No more reproduction for them = no more babies being made by them = less humans on earth = more resources for the ones that are on Earth. Just think about it. The overpopulation problem starting to get fixed with only a few people turning gay. Of course, we can't take the joy of having children away from the gays because their caring feminine attitude are great for raising children. So if the gay couples want children, they can adopt a small orphan boy and then the gay and musical theatre loving parents can raise him to be gay and a musical theatre lover as well! This will also decrease the overcrowding in orphanages and give them happy homes. Orphans singing and dancing on stage all because of this small idea that affects only a few of us! Isn't it amazing?
Another great thing about the gay couples not being able to reproduce themselves, is that the only way to get into musical theatre as a male, is by talent not genes as the musical theatre gene cannot be passed on in males anymore. This means that the males in the industry will be putting in a lot of effort, instead of just be naturally good and never trying to improve from their standard they have. This will put the quality of the acting up as we have people willing to do the hard work.
I know some of you might say using conversion therapy would be wrong because it's painful for people who are being forced go through it. Firstly conversion therapy could not possibly be harmful otherwise why would so many good people support it? If there was any pain involved it, it could only possibly be because someone was forced to go through it. It has also been stated that straight guys deserve to be straight because that's what they choose. But obviously the people who said such a weird statement must not have thought of the fact that these males also choose to be in the musical theatre business. They know that most males are or become gay in this industry so they would already be prepared to accept having to be gay as a reality as theatre sometimes naturally does that anyway.
The Musical Theatre industry desperately needs saving, and conversion therapy is the saviour that it has been waiting for. With all the benefits I've mentioned that come from conversion therapy, it’s practically impossible to say no. So I call upon you to go to your local member or sign the petition to make this industry great again.
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