Fund an accredited alchemy program at the University of Waterloo
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Ontario taxpayers' dollars are funding Georgian College's diploma program in homeopathy, a practice with no scientific basis, and which gives patients useless and possible dangerous "treatments" consisting of what is essentially water.
The University of Waterloo is Ontario's premiere science and technology school, and mustn't be left behind in the field of pseudoscientific quackery. The Government of Ontario should support and fund a UW program dedicated to mastering the transmutation of lead into silver and gold.
Using public dollars to support the disproven nonsense that is alchemy has boundless benefits. Our newfound metallic riches, magically conjured from cheap base metals, could be used for:
- eliminating the deficit
- improving our transportation infrastructure
- paying for expeditions to explore the edges of the flat earth
100% of alchemists agree that alchemy has established benefits, and should be taught at taxpayer expense to university students. We call upon the Government of Ontario to continue funding pseudoscientific college programs despite "a complete lack of evidence" or "unanimous rejection by the scientific community". Hopefully, when countless public dollars have been wasted on the inevitable failure to cure HIV with water and to turn lead to gold, the Ontario government will be brave enough enough to shrug its shoulders and say, "welp, there's always astrology!"
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