Get Noah Home
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My names Holly'Ann,
I am a 17 year old lady who suffers with mental health issues- Anxiety, depression and post traumatic stress disorder.
Social services have been in my life my whole life, I grew up in the care system, as did my mother, and her mother!
I was sexually abused as a young child, I grew up watching domestic violence, I was hurt mentally and physically as a child. Many things were out of my control.
I never asked to be hurt or abused, it haunts me each and every day and this is what started my mental illnesses.
When I hit 15 I left care, I couldn't cope in a children's homes no longer. I moved in with my partner at the time, who is my sons father.
I fell pregnant shortly after.
My life felt complete, I was so young yes, but finally I had someone to love who loves me back just as much.
Little did I know what was coming next, I got to 20 weeks pregnant and social services were on me like a hawk.
They'd never seen me parent before but they judged me, they told me it was necessary for my son to be on the child protection register because he was at significant harm of being abused & neglected because I was as a child. They had already accused me of possibly treated my unborn baby the way I was treated as a child. Sickening I know.
May 31st came and I gave birth to my precious baby boy Noah Christopher Clark-Carter, born at 16:39pm weighing 8lbs 6oz.
He was so perfect and chubby, I instantly fell in love. We breastfed for 4 months, I battled against all odds and every person telling me not to breastfeed including the social workers!
Before I knew it, June 1st arrived and the social worker was at our bedside watching my every move with baby Noah.
I got slung in a mother and baby placement in the middle of nowhere with a random family, even though my perfectly normal family was at home offering to take us in and support me to get on track with parenting and sleeping. I was allowed to breastfeed anywhere except my bedroom. I was devastated.
Noah hit 6 weeks old and we moved into my stepmothers home, everything was going really really well, he was a content happy little boy.
The social worker barely saw us when I think about it, at this point she should have been seeing us once a week as Noah was on a CPP (child protection plan) and a MBA (meeting before action), I knew from the start she wanted my baby from me.
I fought against all odds once again and got him off MBA, I was lowering his risk on the CPP, I finally thought I was getting rid of these nasty people.
August came round and we moved into a mother and baby unit, we needed more room and I needed to prove my independence and abilities to care for my boy. I was getting reported by a few girls that never liked me, still to this day I don't know what for. The social workers concern grew again, on something that was evident. There was no evidence for any accusations ever made about me but I still got punished.
I was suffering another loss of my grandfather who passed away august 24th. I lost my father in 2014 and another grandfather in 2013, so I had been through a lot of trauma and was feeling pretty vulnerable. They picked at me every day and I couldn't cope anymore.
I had a breakdown and handed my Noah to my auntie for time being, when you have a baby it's not about you anymore, you have to do the best for them. I couldn't look after myself so how on earth could I have looked after my poor boy?
I knew this was what they wanted.
28 days passed, I was getting back on track and wanted my baby back. I begged and begged.
I was told no, he went into care and I had to fight.
I made mistakes, I missed a few contacts because it hurt so bad leaving my baby behind but I soon sorted my act out, I went to all meetings, contacts etc.
I was lead to believe I was doing very well.
I was falsely led by the system, they failed me.
I done the best for my son, i done what I hope most mums would do in my position.
From the day I became a mother I was judged on my own upbringing, I was punished yet again from what happened to me in my childhood I was never given a chance with my baby.
Social services reminded me everyday that I have mental health issues they beat me down and made me believe I was crazy!
They simply took my son away on a 'what if' basis. They took him thinking I would punish him like I was as a child.
It's absolutely sickening.
He saved my life and now he's gone.
I was a easy target, a young vulnerable mother with mental health issues.
My heart is broken
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