Give The Golden Boy Washboard Abs
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The Golden Boy: Winnipeg's gleaming adonis. Our gilded protector. The sentry of the west. Since his fateful 1918 voyage across the war-torn Atlantic he's watched over the citizens of Winnipeg like a plated bronze father: loving, constant, distant. Golden.
But what if he were stronger?
Like all patriotic 'Peggers, I greet each new day by standing ramrod straight in my bedroom, facing the legislative building (or as best as I can approximate the direction) and singing Andy DeJarlis' 1969 fiddle tune tune "Manitoba's Golden Boy" in its entirety at full volume. Proud as I am, my civic pride in this ritual has lately been tempered. Why must our aerial guardian have such a wimpy bod? A bod like a beachside Poindexter, the likes of which alpha jocks would mock and throw sand at?
Winnipeggers deserve the best: we deserve a Golden Boy with washboard abs.
In my dreams our Golden Boy is a shredded masculine archetype: python-thick vascular arms, wire-taut glutes and of course diamond-hard cheese grater abs. Please join me in making this dream of a swole, yolked Golden Boy a reality. Together, we must call on our representatives to transform the puny child into 3.6 tonnes of grade A Canadian beefcake, gleaming in the sun and leaning into sky. May he carry us to a brighter Manitoba in his ropy arms, against his shining jacked-as-all-hell abs.
He's survived the bombing of his Paris factory birthplace. He's stowed away in a WW1 service vessel to reach the promised land of the Canadian prairies. It's time this 17 ft tall Golden Boy became a Golden Man. What better addition to his symbolic form - the torch for the pursuit of a better future, the sheaf of wheat for the fruits of labour, the diminutive flaccid member for humility - then a statuesque, luminescent perfect 6 pack?
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Give The Golden Boy Washboard Abs.
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