Ladies and gentlemen,

A new year is upon us and once again I come to you all with an urgent plea. Harriet Tubman once said, “Every great dream begins with a dreamer,” and me, my friends, and one brave Bert the Third are those dreamers. We dream of a world where Bert is able to find a relationship with any woman of his dreams and conquer his global desires. We dream of a world where my dear friend does not need to bow down to the temptations of the opposite sex, but instead hold his own and instill the words of the messiah Future. We dream of a better world, a hopeful world, a Bert world. Ladies ad gentleman this is not a call to action nor a call for change, this is a call to make our flawed world right once again. Some men live with their heads down and tails tucked but Bert the Third is not one of those men. Nay, he is hero amongst men, a figure of inspiration, a model for idolization. Let his words “See u on Monday” ring from every mountain top and every valley and inspire souls, both old and young, across the globe. 

So, women, men, dreamers of our glorious world aid me in this quest. Help me find Bert the third a shawty. Will it be difficult? Yes. Will it feel hopeless? At times. But will we give up, falter, or lean into despair? Never. For that is not the way of Bert the Third and we WILL find him a shawty.