GET THE KID FROM MUMMY RETURNS TO OPEN THE CRAZY SARCOPHAGUS!
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The little kid from the mummy returns is the only person on this planet with the nerve, expertise and jaw line for this mammoth task.
Brandon Fraysure personally emailed the following statement on the matter:
"I taught that little shit everything I ever knew, he is the only man for the job, as far as I'm concerned Dwayne can fuck off, he ain't got shit on little Freddy, his fingers are too fat and my opinion of him changed when he started that awkward friendship with Greg James."
The task in question is that of being the first individual since the mid nineties to open a haunted ghost sarcophagus. This black box of death is allegedly able to curse the entire planet.
Brandon Freyshaw was the last man for the job and although he enjoyed moderate success, it became clear after his next three movie releases, that he had sadly been cursed to a lifetime of poor casting options. Brandon spent the early 2000's training the kid from the mummy how to use a whip and other cool Hollywood shit you need to open an old stone coffin. This Kid is now no longer a child, but a highly trained egyptolologyst residing close to the libraries of Oxford.
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to save the entire planet from a possible plague of face eating Scarab Beatles and weird face sand storms, sign this petition.
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