Stop calling Boris Johnson "Boris"
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Friends, foes and the few in between almost invariably call the politician and Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson "Boris". Even journalists and political commentators do it: a certain breach of journalistic codes and, in the BBC's case, impartiality.
Boris Johnson is not our friend. He is a ruthlessly self-aggrandising, cynical man in an on-off and serially faithless relationship with The Truth; a political turncoat who would eat his grandmother - and yours too, unseasoned if necessary - if it meant climbing another rung on the ladder of his own ambition. In short, he is a nasty bit of work.
But we don't call any other politician by their first name, even decent, honest ones. So why him?
I therefore demand that our sovereign Parliament initiate legislation to outlaw using the word "Boris" to describe the politician named Boris Johnson, on pain of ... well, something really awful happening to them. And, in the case of journalists ... er, something even worse.
Please sign my petition and forward it to your MP demanding that they introduce a Private Member's Bill. Forthwith.
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