save the ROADKILL from TRUMP!!
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Have you ever seen a man walking late at night on the side of a country road, dead squirrel in hand? Chances are it's the president. Countless accounts and video evidence has been compiled, proving that Trump bites the heads off of animals killed by cars and trains. It has been reported that he wanders on roads late at night, scouring the pavement in search of his next meal. He also may be found sniffing around train tracks for a dead morsel. From the alternative evidence we have compiled regarding this ground-breaking scandal, he seems to prefer squirrels and snakes. However, Trump has also been spotted eating the heads of opossums, toads, and other trash-eating marsupials. We have been informed by an inside source that he said "[he] would eat deer, but [his] tiny hands cant pick them up."
This is an issue for many reasons. First and foremost, Trump should not be walking alongside roads or train tracks at night. This alone is very dangerous, but there's more. He also has been known to become so transfixed on decapitating the flattened lifeless beings that he walks into the road without looking both ways when he spots a keeper. Another problem is that he could become ill from ingesting maggot-ridden skulls. Furthermore, he is breaking the promise to Americans to create jobs. Instead, he is taking jobs from Animal Control. Most importantly he should not subject innocent Americans to the image of him devouring the faces of small creatures. It is disrespectful to the animals and the American public.
You may ask yourself, why would Mr. Trump do this? The answer is complicated and involves Ozzy Ozborne. According to scientific evidence, Trump idolized Black Sabbath as a young child. This zeal for Black Sabbath quickly became an obsession, and he frequently performed satanic rituals in Ozzys' name. Some even believe these satanic rituals won him the presidency. However, being denounced by Ozzy was devastating to Trump. He believed the only way to win Ozzy back was imitating him by biting off bat heads. However, Trump soon discovered that this is illegal due to their endangered status, and bats are too hard to catch. Now, he has settled on roadkill, and it is his new deadly obsession.
Trump is the embodyment of This American Carnage. We need to stop the violence against dead animals.
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