A mother’s fight to have her daughter back!

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I would like to share the story of Monica, a mother fighting for the right to be with her little girl. Mônica and her ex-partner met in 2015, and she eventually got pregnant. Although  unplanned, Monica was overjoyed with her pregnancy. However, the baby’s father was not pleased when he learnt about it, and their relationship changed drastically, he started to abuse Monica, emotionally, physically and sexually.

When the first abuse happened, she tried to call for help but he threw her phone in the toilet in order to alienate, and keeping her from reaching out for help. As a result of it, she didn’t go to the scheduled emergency visit to the doctor. He kept her passport, and she was told that if she wanted to go back to Brasil (her native country), she would have to agree to an abortion before leaving the US. The father feared she would ask for child support after the child’s birth.

Like many domestic violence victims, she felt fearful, intimidated, hopeless. She was at that time living with her father’s baby, and she kept quiet because she feared him, and she didn’t know what to do, or where to go for help. Soon after the birth of her daughter, Monica was physically abused again, and at this time she managed to call 911. The police went to the house, and took a statement from her baby’s father and his mother, and they accused Monica to be the abuser, and because she didn’t speak English she couldn’t give her side of the story. She was escorted out of the house in handcuff. After that, Monica lost temporary custody of her daughter who was 1 month old and been breastfed.

The father went to the Family Court in NY, and showed the police report that he got against Monica, and asked for a protective order for him and his daughter, saying that he was a victim of domestic violence, alleging she had mental problems, and because of it he was afraid to leave the baby with her. 

He didn’t stop the threats, and threatened to call the police if she went to his house to see the baby. Monica had permission to go to the house, but she didn’t receive the court’s paperwork, so she wasn’t able to show it to the officers. The baby’s father kept abusing her mentally, making her doubt her own ability to be a mother. She even was arrested twice because he twisted around the truth, making false allegations about her.

Monica was allowed to have supervised visits in a clinic, but she is not allowed to feed, give something to drink, change her daughter’s diapers, bring toys, take pictures, change her daughter clothes, and not bring anyone with her to the visits. Therefore, after many false accusations, misunderstandings, poor communication with lawyers, and 23 months later, she still is separated from her daughter. Lately, the baby’s father is making these visits impossible, disagreeing with the supervisors about the places the visits were supposed to happen, she spent recently over 2 months without seeing her daughter. In many cases, decisions related to child custody and visitation are made by a family law judge. Once visitation orders have been established it is then the responsibility of both parents to follow the orders. Additionally, both parents are responsible for their actions and behaviors with regard to how they communicate and attempt to co-parent.

Unfortunately, some parents are not able to move beyond their own hurt and negative feelings for the sake of a shared child. As a result, a child may become the victim of what's known as parental alienation the results of which, for both a child and parent, can have long-term emotional and psychological repercussions.

Monica will never give up on her child, and will fight for her daughter every day of her life. No matter how hard it is, she will never give up. She will never lose the hope that someday she will be reunited with her child, even if she will get those hopes destroyed in every court appearance. She loves her daughter, and wants her to be happy, she needs to fight to have her voice heard. She needs to fight to make people in authority understand what is happening. She needs to fight to defend herself against false accusations and to have her access clearly established and enforced. She needs to fight against other people’s perceptions. She will never give up or quit without ever trying or fighting because she knows her love is exactly what her child needs. 

 



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