Birth Parents shouldn't be forgotten
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I'm 5yrs in on my Adoption Journey. Not all of us that have chosen this path for our kids are terrible people. I personally chose it because I was living in an RV with 4 kids already. It leaked in 3 different places when it rained, in the summer it was either freezing or you were dying hot because the only AC I had was a giant shop cooler that blew into the RV through the bathroom window. There was no room to have the things you need for a baby, and I financially couldn't get us moved out of there at the time. I didn't want him to have to suffer the single mom struggle. I was watching my boys go through that already and I couldn't bring myself to do that to another little boy. I wanted him to have a Dad, One that wanted him as much as I did. One who would go to the end of the world for him. At the time I couldn't give him that... I did what I fully felt was the best decision for him. There's never been a day he didn't cross my mind. I see kids his age and instantly imagine him in that moment. I didn't deserve to be shut out. And if we can change the laws for the adoptive parents to keep their promises of pictures and updates and not shutting us out as if we are enemies, then at least future birth Mom's won't have to feel this pain. Depression wont be fed every time we see a child that resembles our own in one way or another. I'm determined to change the stereotypes we are held to, I'm determined to do something to show that we don't deserve to suffer after bringing life into this world. We have hurt and suffered enough the day we watched them walk away with our flesh and blood. It's a decision that was hard to make, one we have to live with for the rest of our life. Adoption should always be viewed as beautiful and we should be allowed the reassurance that our pain, the separation, and heartbreak wasn't for nothing... I was the one that did research and mapped out what would be in the best interest of my son. Explained to his parents how important it was that our adoption be open. That I never wanted my son to feel like I didn't want him. Open adoption was the only way I could go through with it. It was the only way I could constantly be reassured I made the right choice. I wanted visits, updates, pictures when they could find the time. I wasn't expecting Birthday party invites, or getting together every month. I was okay with 2 visits a year, being Luree instead of having a name like mom or aunt, getting pictures or videos of the newest things he has learned or accomplished. I distanced myself because i felt i was trying to be apart of their life to much. When i distanced myself they shut me out. Recently I received a letter from my sons mother telling me to "move on with your life". Telling me to stop writing him, stop sending gifts, stop contacting them. This wasn't our agreement. This wasn't the decision I made for my son. Statistics show it is better for a child to know from the start that their story started before their parents, that there are other people that love them, and a positive relationship with the biological family keeps resentment out of the picture. When I chose Adoption for my son I never wanted him to resent anyone for the decision I made for him or the life he has gotten to live. I'm forever thankful to my sons parents for the life they have provided him, however, myself and many other women don't deserve to be shut out completely. Until you have lived as a birth mother you can never begin to imagine how much a picture helps in keeping ourselves going. It's time these laws change! We broke our own heart to make sure our baby's didn't want for anything, we put our childs needs before our wants. Its time our kids parents faced this and do whats truly in the best interest of our child. They need to be held to the agreement just as much as we have.
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